Things Her Profile Didn't Mention

A few years ago I co-wrote this short script with my friend Steve Loiaconi. I was going to direct it. Unfortunately, we got rained out and then the winter came and we lost the cast. A little sad but a good experience, nonetheless. We did shoot a few scenes. Here's my favorite. You can download the full script here.

Credits

Barry: Michael Izquierdo

Iris: Kate Roberts

Producer: Jerry Carita

Director of Photography: Elizabeth Barker

Hurry Up!

Photo by Roman Zherdytskyi

Mom sat by the shore, wailing. Dad stood by, trying his hardest to remain stoic. I remember just being over it. They saw ruins where I saw the remains of a beautiful past. “But the past is still the past. I’m alive in the present and I just want to live for the future,” my teenage-self thought.

The war was epic, even by epic war standards. Little was left standing. A handful of us survived. We built a ship to take us to whatever came next. I couldn’t wait to jump on board and push off. The adults, on the other hand, kept going on and on with their hand wringing and melancholy... “Hurry the fuck up!” I wanted to scream. I yearned to see what else was out there. I dreamed of new worlds and pretty girls.

In the years that followed, life brought me insane adventures. It brought me new worlds. It brought me many (many!) beautiful women. Each adventure, each world, each love ended with its own ruins and once again, I would board a new ship and push forward. At first l didn’t want to look back. I wanted to believe it was some righteous choice about the past not being worth it. Really, it was just fear.

With age, the curiosity began to outweigh the fear. I looked back and, almost unsurprisingly, I just saw a beautiful past. I found I did not have to remain stoic. I smiled. I laughed. Sometimes I even cried. But I never longed for the ruins. I see my children and I hope they never see me wring my hands. I hope they know they can move forward, with or without me. And I really hope they never feel the urge to scream “hurry the fuck up, dad!”

I submitted this story to the online magazine With Painted Words. Every month they put up an image and invite writers to submit pieces inspired by it. They were kind enough to publish mine in their December issue. The inspiration image was a photograph by Roman Zherdytskyi.

Moving Day

Hi there. If you're reading this it means you either have my old Blogger RSS feed or are coming directly to my Blogger URL. I've moved! Direct your browser to roshow.net for the latest or click here for the new RSS feed. Thanks for reading!

Close. To. The. Edge. (How I Make Stuff Up)

I recently read a fascinating piece on the always fascinating website, ribbonfarm.com about boundary conditions in mathematical models and how it relates to the author's thought process. Now for those of you not mathematically inclined, don't be scared! It doesn't involve numbers and equations; it's all explained in layman's terms. 

It resonated strongly with me and my own creative process, so I wrote a reply. I thought those of you who swing by and read my work may find it interesting, so I'm "reprinting" it here. Feel free to share your own creative and thought processes. This kind of stuff interests me a lot.

I enjoyed this but from an admittedly egotistical point of view: you’ve described my thought process, too. I’m a storyteller, mostly of fiction, but I loved math growing up and it certainly set the tone for how I approach things. In fact, this is exactly how I come up with a story.

First, I do the brain-dump. I write down every little bit of information I have in my notebook. I’ll even sketch something if it’s important and easier than writing it. Once I get that all down, I break it down into usable pieces and I rearrange them into something coherent. The building blocks actually correlate to the three types you suggest above.

[A few excerpts for those not reading the original article (but, seriously, read it!): 

"Dynamics refers to how things change, and the laws govern those changes... Unlike dynamics, which dance around in exciting ways, constraints just sit there, usually messing up the dancing... When boundary conditions change, the effects can be extremely weird, and hard to sort out, if you aren’t looking at the right boundaries... But boundary conditions are where actual (as opposed to textbook) behaviors are born. And the more complex the boundary of a system, the less insight you can get out of a dynamics-and-constraints model that simplifies the boundary too much."]

1. Dynamics. These are the basic cause-and-effect rules of the world in which the story takes place. Usually, it’s character stuff: relationships (Bob and Jill are married, so they probably kiss when they get home), personality (Bob has a temper, so if you punch him, he’ll punch you back but it takes a lot to enrage Jill). If you’re writing sci-fi/fantasy it could encompass physics (Bob and Jill are superheroes so they hit harder).

2. Constraints. These are usually technical stuff you have to adhere to. It includes stuff like format (script, prose, serial, single story) and length. If you’re writing for someone else, they may have story points you can’t alter (like say you’re told Bob and Jill can’t break up).

3. Boundaries. This is where the drama comes from! You push things to the limit and see what happens. For instance: Jill punches Bob.

What could have made Jill act in such a violent way? Is Bob going to react as he normally would and punch his wife? If they’re two superheroes fighting in their apartment, is that going to cause serious property damage? And, since they have to stay together, how do you resolve this situation in a way that doesn’t lead to a them breaking up? If it’s got to be a 100 word prose story, what details do I choose to include and how do I structure it?

As usual, thanks for giving me something to think about!

We continued the discussion a little bit in the comments section. Hop on over there to read the rest, if you're interested.

I Did A Guest Rant, Check It!

I did a guest rant for a friend's blog: What's Pissing Rolando Off? Subway Car Musicians.

After the Sun Sets

Every month With Painted Words puts up an image and invites writers to submit pieces inspired by it. As a fun exercise for myself, I will be playing along monthly. January's inspiration image was a photograph by Rod Walker. 

Photograph by Rod Walker

Carl ran toward the setting sun as fast as he could, the stalks of corn scratching and slapping his face. He didn’t care. He had to try and outrace the sun, he thought. Then laughed. Only a kid thinks he can reach the horizon before the sun disappears behind it. He kept running, hoping anyway.

Carl was a sweaty, scrawny, budding alcoholic. The last thing he remembered before getting blacked-out-drunk was Billy betting him a new quad that he wouldn’t hang out in the cornfield till dark. Carl proclaimed he wasn’t afraid of any fairy tales (but he was) and took the bet. They started shotgunning beers to seal the deal. That must have been around two in the afternoon. The next thing Carl remembered was waking up in a pool of his own vomit, hungover and surrounded by endless fucking corn. So he got up and ran toward the setting sun as fast as he could.

The sun set. It got dark. Carl stopped running. He listened. The only sound was his beating heart. He took a few deep breaths. His heart slowed. He relaxed. It was just a fairy tale.

They sprung from the cornstalks and dug their teeth deep into Carl’s neck and thighs. His heart rate shot back up. His adrenaline flowed. Soon Carl didn’t feel anything. When they were done, they disappeared back into the cornfield. Carl’s emptied corpse was left alone in the moonlight.


If you'd like to read more, another submission of mine was published in their December 2010 issue.

Arnie Goes to the Carnival

I wrote this script for a possible gig. They want to do short animated videos starring a muscle-bound airhead with a giant ego but a good heart. It was great to get back to script writing.  Prose fiction is fun, micro-fiction is super-fun but this is the most fun by a mile.

EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY
A beautiful sunny day at the carnival. Children run around, young couples stroll, parents drink sodas and eat pretzels... everyone's having a nice time.

SOUND EFFECT: BING!

CUT TO:

EXT. CARNIVAL - "TEST YOUR STRENGTH" BOOTH - CONTINUOUS
ARNIE, a giant, comically oversized muscle-bound man, smiles ear to ear, one hand majestically holding the hammer, the other side receiving his stuff animal prize from the tired, old BOOTH ATTENDANT.

Arnie hands the prize over to JENNY, his date, a cute girl (maybe even a little artsy/dorky). She adds them to an already overwhelming armload of prizes. She looks bored.

ARNIE: Again!

Who Knows? (An Even Shorter Story)

They walked into the bar that Friday night not knowing each other.

He bumped into her on the way to the bathroom. It was awkward enough to break the ice. He promised her a drink when he got back. She took him up on it.

Later that night, as they drunkenly made out, he wondered where she’d been all his life while she obsessed over how nice he smelled.

Forty years later, they still don’t know each other. And that’s the way they like it.

A Lifetime Together, Part 3: Dinner

Mary poured them wine. Jessica took the turkey from the oven and set it on the counter.

As Mary walked the glass to Jessica she stumbled and bumped the pan. The turkey slid off the counter and hit the floor. Jessica jumped back to avoid being splattered by stuffing.

“I’m sorry,” Mary gasped.

“You did that on purpose. You wanted to ruin everything.”

Mary’s eyes glared, defiantly. “Ruin what? Your overcooked turkey?”

Jessica raised her fist. Mary did the same. “Let’s go!”

They burst out laughing.

“I’ll order Chinese.”

“Probably for the best.”

They smiled and drank in good health.


Then end! Also be sure to check out Grade School (Part 1) and Theater 101 (Part 2). Thanks for reading.

A Lifetime Together in 300 Words, Part 2: Theater 101

Jessica, still in her sweaty gym clothes, ran into the theater’s lobby and made a beeline to the bulletin board.

Mary was already there, shrieking in ecstasy. Jessica stopped in her tracks. A look at the casting announcement confirmed the obvious: Mary was the lead.

“Aren’t you going to congratulate me?” Mary asked.

“You kissed ass to get the part.”

“If you want it that badly, I’ll turn it down.”

“And let you play the martyr? You’d love that.”

“Whatever!”

Before things could get out of hand, some theater geeks showed up. Mary joined them. They congratulated her.

Jessica sneered.


You can read Grade School (Part 1) right now. Part 3 will be up on Friday. Thanks for reading!

A Lifetime Together in 300 Words, Part 1: Grade School

It was recess when first grader Mary walked onto the playground.

Across the yard, four girls huddled around Jessica who pointed at Mary and whispered something. The girls giggled.

Mary noticed them. The look on her face turned to rage. She stormed over to Jessica, poked her and screamed: “What’s your problem?”

“Just telling them the truth!” Jessica answered.

“You’re a liar!”

Mary took her balled up little fist to Jessica’s nose. Jessica swung back. The whole schoolyard stopped to watch.

Later that afternoon, Mary and Jessica sat alone in detention, looking like they had just survived a war zone.


Ro's note: Since these are short, short stories I will be updating the site three times this week. Part 2 will be up on Wednesday then Part 3 on Friday. Thanks for reading!

And if you're interested in experiments with word counts, check out this blog. Jay started with six word fiction and has been doubling the count for each subsequent story.

Foe to Friend

This cup I received in November represents an important life lesson. And surprisingly it has nothing to do with superheroes. The story begins many, many years ago.

"I am so happy I don't have to go to school with you or see you ever again. I hate you."

Those are the last words I remember Carly saying to me in junior high. We'd been in the same class for most of our lifetimes at that point. I never felt much animosity toward her but I felt it directed at me, especially throughout eighth grade. "Fuck her," I essentially thought to myself and let it go.

"I have to tell you how sick I was of Rolando."

Those are the first words Carly said to my fiancée at a casual grade school reunion a few years ago. Unfortunately, Carly left early and we never got into it. "Fuck her," I thought to myself and let it go.

Then Facebook happened.

My general rule on Facebook is "friend everyone, even the people you hate." I love gossip, sue me. So, of course, Carly and I were Facebook "friends," despite having been nemeses (her word). And she started posted the most interesting stories about life, love and relationships. Some of my favorite topics. I'm talking about genuinely interesting stories here, not the nonsense most people -- often including myself -- post on Facebook. I began commenting and before you knew it she and I realized something:

"Holy shit! We have a lot in common!" (my words)

Two months ago I got a message from Carly asking for my address. A few days later that cup came in the mail. Suddenly an old nemesis had become a new friend who gave me a gift that was, quite frankly, more thoughtful than most gifts I receive. Here's a recap of our Facebook exchange once I got it:

Now there's a conversation I'd never thought I would have.

On her own blog, Carly just wrote a story about our first grade class. I urge you to read it. It was the inspiration for me to finally write this piece.

One last note: my ARCH-nemesis in grade school was a boy named Sam Hindy. Sometimes we'd be best friends, other times we'd hate with the fiery wraths of Hell. When we parted ways in junior high, it was pure hate. I guess I felt towards him the way Carly felt towards me. In fact, his father was co-founder of Brooklyn Brewery so I made it a rule to never, ever pay for one of their beers. That's how deep the resentment ran. Then at the aforementioned grade school reunion we got to talking. His first words to us were "Rolando and I had a love/hate relationship: we loved Nintendo and we hated each other." I laughed. We spent the entire night talking. The childhood hate had bred a strong connection that, as adults, brought us together in a happy way. My last memory of Sam was standing on a rooftop that night, smoking a cigarette and sharing memories. 

A few months later he tragically passed away in a biking accident. "Grateful," does not do justice to how I feel about the opportunity to end our time together with laughter.

Sam: I dedicate this story to you, my friend.

Victory Lap!

Last month I sent Steve Jobs a series of poems decrying the orientation lock switch on the iPad becoming a mute button. Well, it looks like the battle has been won. In the next software upgrade the option to turn the switch back into an orientation lock will be restored.

I thanked Steve with one last couplet:

Behind The Scenes of a Ransom Video

You know how every movie these days have a making-of video on the DVDs? Back in 2002 my friends and I asked ourselves what a behind the scenes look at a ransom video would be like. This is what we came up with. Behold my directorial debut They Have Your Daughter: The Making of a Ransom Video.


Fun fact: Onion is played by my best man who is taking me to Atlantic City later today for my bachelor party. My other groomsman (Thug 2) will also be there as will my buddy (Mayfield). Thanks, guys! Eight years later and we're still up to no good.

How I'd Write Superman (If Someone Was Nice Enough To Ask Me...)

The pitch: Superman is supremely confident in his ability to save the world but lacks any confidence in his social skills.

At first this disconnect seems to lack any common sense. But think about it: how many successful, fine looking men find that no matter what talents they possess they can't get a girl or be popular? They sit at their computers, or toil away in their labs, coming up with the modern miracles that are literally saving lives but come home at the end of the day to an empty apartment because they fear they don't have the social skills to be surrounded by people who care about them. This is the lens through which I would view Superman.

Obviously he knows if he just goes around as Superman all the time women will flock to him and he will have no shortage of friends. But he would never be able to truly assess how many of those are genuine and how many just "love" him for his riches. Not to mention he feels like that approach would be using his powers to emotionally exploit people. This doesn't work for someone who wants genuine emotional connections. Thus the secret identity. He wants to save the world as Superman but he wants to feel loved as Clark Kent, the geek that he is.

The emotional disconnect allows Superman to still be the role model for all that is good and save the world, while making Clark Kent be someone we can all relate to.

Some thoughts on a few characters and how this would affect their relationships:

• Lois Lane: He loves Lois unconditionally. He wants her to love him unconditionally too. That means loving Clark Kent, not Superman. But the poor guy just can't figure out how to get her interested! He's persistent and she's constantly shooting him down. "Clark, I really care about you... like a brother."
• Jimmy Olsen: Superman's pal and Clark's best friend. Clark confides in Jimmy as both. I like the idea of a 3-way friendship with only two people. Jimmy's always getting into stupid trouble. Clark doesn't want to lose his best friend so he's always there as Superman to save him.
• Lex Luthor: The exact opposite of our hero. Lex yearns for the freedom to be a rotten a person on the inside but be revered by all for the power he wields. He hates Superman because this strange visitor from another planet doesn't take advantage of the fact that everyone loves him. He feels like Superman's power is wasted on such a goody-goody.
• The Fortress of Solitude: Ok, this is not a character but a fun idea. If Superman is a geek, then the Fortress is his parents' basement. He gets to relax playing with the coolest computer and chemistry set on the planet. 

At the end of the day I wanted to take a different approach from the recent entries (such as Superman: Earth One graphic novel and Smallville) that try to sexy-up Superman. I wanted to make him someone the geeks can really relate and look up to. He was ours first, after all.

Bonus! A slight redesign of the Superman shield I sketched the other day.

And Then God Blew Himself Up (Because Why Not?)

First a quick note: Going forward I will be updating this site with new content at least every Monday and Friday (including holidays, because that's just how I do it). I got some interesting ideas for the future that I'm excited to get the ball rolling on.

This week I read God's Debris and The Religion War by Scott Adams. They were, to put it lightly, fun books for those of us who like to make our brain spin and philosophize endlessly. In fact, God's Debris is available as a no-strings attached, free ebook. Go, download it and read it if you haven't. It's short enough to be read in one sitting but the ideas -- that range from the practical to batshit insane -- are enough to keep you thinking about it long after. The sequel is a more straight forward in terms of plot as it applies the character's philosophy to an impeding war he is trying to avert. If God's Debris is a Socratic conversation, you could say The Religion War is the companion parable.

At the end of both books the author gives his email address and encourages us to share our comments. So, of course, I did. Now I share that email with you guys. If you haven't read the books but intend to and are adverse to spoilers look away now! If you don't intend to read the books, maybe my thoughts will give you pause to reconsider. And if you want to talk about them with me, please leave a comment! I'm dying to talk about them (duh).

Here's my email:

Back to the Future Revisited Again & So On

Happy New Year! Let's start it off right: with some recycled content about a series of movies the last of which came out over 20 years.

We all know how much I absolutely love Back to the Future. The day after Christmas, I treated myself to a marathon. Because there is nothing better to cure the hangover of family interactions than the coolest movies of all time.

Oh, but I didn't just watch them. I live tweeted my thoughts, most of which ended up being wonderfully sarcastic and some of which, I think, actually ended up being quite insightful. I present these tweets to you now: