ROSHOW.net

Things Her Profile Didn't Mention

2011-05-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I co-wrote this short script with my friend Steve Loiaconi. I was going to direct it. Unfortunately, we got rained out and then the winter came and we lost the cast. A little sad but a good experience, nonetheless. We did shoot a few scenes. Here's my favorite. You can download the full script here.

Credits

Barry: Michael Izquierdo

Iris: Kate Roberts

Producer: Jerry Carita

Director of Photography: Elizabeth Barker

Hurry Up!

2011-05-02T10:00:00.007-04:00

Photo by Roman Zherdytskyi

Mom sat by the shore, wailing. Dad stood by, trying his hardest to remain stoic. I remember just being over it. They saw ruins where I saw the remains of a beautiful past. “But the past is still the past. I’m alive in the present and I just want to live for the future,” my teenage-self thought.

The war was epic, even by epic war standards. Little was left standing. A handful of us survived. We built a ship to take us to whatever came next. I couldn’t wait to jump on board and push off. The adults, on the other hand, kept going on and on with their hand wringing and melancholy... “Hurry the fuck up!” I wanted to scream. I yearned to see what else was out there. I dreamed of new worlds and pretty girls.

In the years that followed, life brought me insane adventures. It brought me new worlds. It brought me many (many!) beautiful women. Each adventure, each world, each love ended with its own ruins and once again, I would board a new ship and push forward. At first l didn’t want to look back. I wanted to believe it was some righteous choice about the past not being worth it. Really, it was just fear.

With age, the curiosity began to outweigh the fear. I looked back and, almost unsurprisingly, I just saw a beautiful past. I found I did not have to remain stoic. I smiled. I laughed. Sometimes I even cried. But I never longed for the ruins. I see my children and I hope they never see me wring my hands. I hope they know they can move forward, with or without me. And I really hope they never feel the urge to scream “hurry the fuck up, dad!”

I submitted this story to the online magazine With Painted Words. Every month they put up an image and invite writers to submit pieces inspired by it. They were kind enough to publish mine in their December issue. The inspiration image was a photograph by Roman Zherdytskyi.

Moving Day

2011-02-14T20:40:00.002-05:00

Hi there. If you're reading this it means you either have my old Blogger RSS feed or are coming directly to my Blogger URL. I've moved! Direct your browser to roshow.net for the latest or click here for the new RSS feed. Thanks for reading!

Close. To. The. Edge. (How I Make Stuff Up)

2011-02-11T10:00:00.001-05:00

I recently read a fascinating piece on the always fascinating website, ribbonfarm.com about boundary conditions in mathematical models and how it relates to the author's thought process. Now for those of you not mathematically inclined, don't be scared! It doesn't involve numbers and equations; it's all explained in layman's terms.

It resonated strongly with me and my own creative process, so I wrote a reply. I thought those of you who swing by and read my work may find it interesting, so I'm "reprinting" it here. Feel free to share your own creative and thought processes. This kind of stuff interests me a lot.

I enjoyed this but from an admittedly egotistical point of view: you’ve described my thought process, too. I’m a storyteller, mostly of fiction, but I loved math growing up and it certainly set the tone for how I approach things. In fact, this is exactly how I come up with a story.

First, I do the brain-dump. I write down every little bit of information I have in my notebook. I’ll even sketch something if it’s important and easier than writing it. Once I get that all down, I break it down into usable pieces and I rearrange them into something coherent. The building blocks actually correlate to the three types you suggest above.

[A few excerpts for those not reading the original article (but, seriously, read it!):

"Dynamics refers to how things change, and the laws govern those changes... Unlike dynamics, which dance around in exciting ways, constraints just sit there, usually messing up the dancing... When boundary conditions change, the effects can be extremely weird, and hard to sort out, if you aren’t looking at the right boundaries... But boundary conditions are where actual (as opposed to textbook) behaviors are born. And the more complex the boundary of a system, the less insight you can get out of a dynamics-and-constraints model that simplifies the boundary too much."]

1. Dynamics. These are the basic cause-and-effect rules of the world in which the story takes place. Usually, it’s character stuff: relationships (Bob and Jill are married, so they probably kiss when they get home), personality (Bob has a temper, so if you punch him, he’ll punch you back but it takes a lot to enrage Jill). If you’re writing sci-fi/fantasy it could encompass physics (Bob and Jill are superheroes so they hit harder).

2. Constraints. These are usually technical stuff you have to adhere to. It includes stuff like format (script, prose, serial, single story) and length. If you’re writing for someone else, they may have story points you can’t alter (like say you’re told Bob and Jill can’t break up).

3. Boundaries. This is where the drama comes from! You push things to the limit and see what happens. For instance: Jill punches Bob.

What could have made Jill act in such a violent way? Is Bob going to react as he normally would and punch his wife? If they’re two superheroes fighting in their apartment, is that going to cause serious property damage? And, since they have to stay together, how do you resolve this situation in a way that doesn’t lead to a them breaking up? If it’s got to be a 100 word prose story, what details do I choose to include and how do I structure it?

As usual, thanks for giving me something to think about!

We continued the discussion a little bit in the comments section. Hop on over there to read the rest, if you're interested.

I Did A Guest Rant, Check It!

2011-02-10T22:29:00.002-05:00

I did a guest rant for a friend's blog: What's Pissing Rolando Off? Subway Car Musicians.

After the Sun Sets

2011-02-07T10:00:00.003-05:00

Every month With Painted Words puts up an image and invites writers to submit pieces inspired by it. As a fun exercise for myself, I will be playing along monthly. January's inspiration image was a photograph by Rod Walker.

Photograph by Rod Walker

Carl ran toward the setting sun as fast as he could, the stalks of corn scratching and slapping his face. He didn’t care. He had to try and outrace the sun, he thought. Then laughed. Only a kid thinks he can reach the horizon before the sun disappears behind it. He kept running, hoping anyway.

Carl was a sweaty, scrawny, budding alcoholic. The last thing he remembered before getting blacked-out-drunk was Billy betting him a new quad that he wouldn’t hang out in the cornfield till dark. Carl proclaimed he wasn’t afraid of any fairy tales (but he was) and took the bet. They started shotgunning beers to seal the deal. That must have been around two in the afternoon. The next thing Carl remembered was waking up in a pool of his own vomit, hungover and surrounded by endless fucking corn. So he got up and ran toward the setting sun as fast as he could.

The sun set. It got dark. Carl stopped running. He listened. The only sound was his beating heart. He took a few deep breaths. His heart slowed. He relaxed. It was just a fairy tale.

They sprung from the cornstalks and dug their teeth deep into Carl’s neck and thighs. His heart rate shot back up. His adrenaline flowed. Soon Carl didn’t feel anything. When they were done, they disappeared back into the cornfield. Carl’s emptied corpse was left alone in the moonlight.

If you'd like to read more, another submission of mine was published in their December 2010 issue.

Arnie Goes to the Carnival

2011-02-04T10:00:00.005-05:00

I wrote this script for a possible gig. They want to do short animated videos starring a muscle-bound airhead with a giant ego but a good heart. It was great to get back to script writing. Prose fiction is fun, micro-fiction is super-fun but this is the most fun by a mile.

EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY
A beautiful sunny day at the carnival. Children run around, young couples stroll, parents drink sodas and eat pretzels... everyone's having a nice time.

SOUND EFFECT: BING!

CUT TO:

EXT. CARNIVAL - "TEST YOUR STRENGTH" BOOTH - CONTINUOUS
ARNIE, a giant, comically oversized muscle-bound man, smiles ear to ear, one hand majestically holding the hammer, the other side receiving his stuff animal prize from the tired, old BOOTH ATTENDANT.

Arnie hands the prize over to JENNY, his date, a cute girl (maybe even a little artsy/dorky). She adds them to an already overwhelming armload of prizes. She looks bored.

ARNIE: Again!

He hands the Booth Attendant a dollar bill, raises the hammer and slams it down, sending the sliding weight up the pole and ringing the bell again.

SOUND EFFECT: BING!

Again, the Attendant hands Arnie a prize and Arnie hands it over to Jenny increasing her ridiculous pile of gifts.

ARNIE: Again!

He hands the Booth Attendant another dollar, raises the hammer, ready to strike.

JENNY: Are you bored?

ARNIE: No! I could do this all day!

Arnie gestures grandly, showing off his muscles and SLAMS the hammer down. This time it's so hard the sliding weight goes up the pole, knocks the bell off and flies straight up into the sky, out of frame.

BOOTH ATTENDANT: You broke it!

ARNIE: Does that mean I win all the prizes?

Jenny sees an opportunity and takes it!

JENNY: Yes! It does! He'll hold them for you.

Jenny dumps the load of prizes into the Booth Attendant's arms, takes Arnie's hand and leads him off. The poor Booth Attendant is left confused.

Beat.

The sliding weight falls from the sky, hits the Booth Attendant in the head, knocking him out and sending the prizes flying everywhere.

EXT. CARNIVAL - FUN HOUSE MIRRORS - LATER
There are three big, full length mirrors. One of them makes everyone look skinny, one fat and one normal.

A MOTHER stands in front of the mirrors with her little TODDLER. She's tossing him up and down. He's giggling.

Armie and Jenny walk by them, eating cotton candy.

JENNY: That looks like fun.

ARNIE: Let's help him have more fun.

Arnie walks over to the Mother and confidently takes the toddler, as if he's happily doing them a favor they asked for. They look at him too confused to say anything (which he probably interprets as them thinking he's awesome).

ARNIE: Let's catch some air big guy! One!

Arnie tosses the toddler in the air and catches him.

ARNIE: Two!

Arnie tosses the toddler again, this time much, much higher but the child comes down, he catches him.

ARNIE: And three!

This time Arnie tosses the toddler so high he goes out of the frame. The Mother looks horrified! And so does Arnie!

Then we realize Arnie is horrified not for the child's safety but because he's caught his own reflection in the "fat" mirror.

ARNIE: I knew I should have done more cardio if I was going to be eating cotton candy! I'm fat and hideous!

Arnie breaks out into an exercise routine: jumping jacks, push ups, squat thrusts and so on. Of course, he's completely oblivious to the bigger issue at hand.

Meanwhile, the Mother runs back and forth with her arms out, looking up at the sky, trying to judge where her son's going to land. This continues in the background throughout the next exchange.

JENNY: You're not fat.

ARNIE: (between push ups) Thanks... but... that... doesn't... make... me... feel... better.

JENNY: No, you're literally not fat. It's a fun house mirror.

Arnie stops, gets up and looks at the mirror. He's fat. He steps to the thin mirror, now he's scrawny. Back to the fat mirror, he's fat again.

ARNIE: Oh. That's not fun.

Finally he steps in front of the third, normal mirror. He likes what he sees and bursts into a big grin then breaks out into a series of bodybuilder poses.

ARNIE: This is a fun mirror!

In the background the child finally falls from the sky and the Mother barely catches him! They are very, very relieved.

Arnie continues posing. Jenny rolls her eyes.

CUT TO:

EXT. CARNIVAL - FUN HOUSE MIRRORS - NIGHT
The carnival has shut down but Arnie is still posing into the mirror, oblivious to anything else around him. He's having a blast!

A JANITOR sweeps up around Arnie. Finally, he taps Arnie on the shoulder, breaking the spell of the reflection.

JANITOR: Sorry, sir, but we're closed.

ARNIE: We must have lost track of time. My lady and I were having fun with the mirror. See?

Arnie breaks out into poses again. The Janitor looks around for the supposed "lady."

JANITOR: There's no one else here.

But it's too late. Arnie's lost in his own reflection. Again. The Janitor shakes his head, giving up on Arnie and keeps sweeping.

END.

Who Knows? (An Even Shorter Story)

2011-01-31T12:12:00.000-05:00

They walked into the bar that Friday night not knowing each other.

He bumped into her on the way to the bathroom. It was awkward enough to break the ice. He promised her a drink when he got back. She took him up on it.

Later that night, as they drunkenly made out, he wondered where she’d been all his life while she obsessed over how nice he smelled.

Forty years later, they still don’t know each other. And that’s the way they like it.

A Lifetime Together, Part 3: Dinner

2011-01-28T10:00:00.010-05:00

Mary poured them wine. Jessica took the turkey from the oven and set it on the counter.

As Mary walked the glass to Jessica she stumbled and bumped the pan. The turkey slid off the counter and hit the floor. Jessica jumped back to avoid being splattered by stuffing.

“I’m sorry,” Mary gasped.

“You did that on purpose. You wanted to ruin everything.”

Mary’s eyes glared, defiantly. “Ruin what? Your overcooked turkey?”

Jessica raised her fist. Mary did the same. “Let’s go!”

They burst out laughing.

“I’ll order Chinese.”

“Probably for the best.”

They smiled and drank in good health.

Then end! Also be sure to check out Grade School (Part 1) and Theater 101 (Part 2). Thanks for reading.

A Lifetime Together in 300 Words, Part 2: Theater 101

2011-01-26T10:00:00.006-05:00

Jessica, still in her sweaty gym clothes, ran into the theater’s lobby and made a beeline to the bulletin board.

Mary was already there, shrieking in ecstasy. Jessica stopped in her tracks. A look at the casting announcement confirmed the obvious: Mary was the lead.

“Aren’t you going to congratulate me?” Mary asked.

“You kissed ass to get the part.”

“If you want it that badly, I’ll turn it down.”

“And let you play the martyr? You’d love that.”

“Whatever!”

Before things could get out of hand, some theater geeks showed up. Mary joined them. They congratulated her.

Jessica sneered.

You can read Grade School (Part 1) right now. Part 3 will be up on Friday. Thanks for reading!

A Lifetime Together in 300 Words, Part 1: Grade School

2011-01-24T13:39:00.006-05:00

It was recess when first grader Mary walked onto the playground.

Across the yard, four girls huddled around Jessica who pointed at Mary and whispered something. The girls giggled.

Mary noticed them. The look on her face turned to rage. She stormed over to Jessica, poked her and screamed: “What’s your problem?”

“Just telling them the truth!” Jessica answered.

“You’re a liar!”

Mary took her balled up little fist to Jessica’s nose. Jessica swung back. The whole schoolyard stopped to watch.

Later that afternoon, Mary and Jessica sat alone in detention, looking like they had just survived a war zone.

Ro's note: Since these are short, short stories I will be updating the site three times this week. Part 2 will be up on Wednesday then Part 3 on Friday. Thanks for reading!

And if you're interested in experiments with word counts, check out this blog. Jay started with six word fiction and has been doubling the count for each subsequent story.

Foe to Friend

2011-01-21T09:53:00.005-05:00

This cup I received in November represents an important life lesson. And surprisingly it has nothing to do with superheroes. The story begins many, many years ago.

"I am so happy I don't have to go to school with you or see you ever again. I hate you."

Those are the last words I remember Carly saying to me in junior high. We'd been in the same class for most of our lifetimes at that point. I never felt much animosity toward her but I felt it directed at me, especially throughout eighth grade. "Fuck her," I essentially thought to myself and let it go.

"I have to tell you how sick I was of Rolando."

Those are the first words Carly said to my fiancée at a casual grade school reunion a few years ago. Unfortunately, Carly left early and we never got into it. "Fuck her," I thought to myself and let it go.

Then Facebook happened.

My general rule on Facebook is "friend everyone, even the people you hate." I love gossip, sue me. So, of course, Carly and I were Facebook "friends," despite having been nemeses (her word). And she started posted the most interesting stories about life, love and relationships. Some of my favorite topics. I'm talking about genuinely interesting stories here, not the nonsense most people -- often including myself -- post on Facebook. I began commenting and before you knew it she and I realized something:

"Holy shit! We have a lot in common!" (my words)

Two months ago I got a message from Carly asking for my address. A few days later that cup came in the mail. Suddenly an old nemesis had become a new friend who gave me a gift that was, quite frankly, more thoughtful than most gifts I receive. Here's a recap of our Facebook exchange once I got it:

Now there's a conversation I'd never thought I would have.

On her own blog, Carly just wrote a story about our first grade class. I urge you to read it. It was the inspiration for me to finally write this piece.

One last note: my ARCH-nemesis in grade school was a boy named Sam Hindy. Sometimes we'd be best friends, other times we'd hate with the fiery wraths of Hell. When we parted ways in junior high, it was pure hate. I guess I felt towards him the way Carly felt towards me. In fact, his father was co-founder of Brooklyn Brewery so I made it a rule to never, ever pay for one of their beers. That's how deep the resentment ran. Then at the aforementioned grade school reunion we got to talking. His first words to us were "Rolando and I had a love/hate relationship: we loved Nintendo and we hated each other." I laughed. We spent the entire night talking. The childhood hate had bred a strong connection that, as adults, brought us together in a happy way. My last memory of Sam was standing on a rooftop that night, smoking a cigarette and sharing memories.

A few months later he tragically passed away in a biking accident. "Grateful," does not do justice to how I feel about the opportunity to end our time together with laughter.

Sam: I dedicate this story to you, my friend.

Victory Lap!

2011-01-17T12:53:00.000-05:00

Last month I sent Steve Jobs a series of poems decrying the orientation lock switch on the iPad becoming a mute button. Well, it looks like the battle has been won. In the next software upgrade the option to turn the switch back into an orientation lock will be restored.

I thanked Steve with one last couplet:

Behind The Scenes of a Ransom Video

2011-01-14T00:40:00.001-05:00

You know how every movie these days have a making-of video on the DVDs? Back in 2002 my friends and I asked ourselves what a behind the scenes look at a ransom video would be like. This is what we came up with. Behold my directorial debut They Have Your Daughter: The Making of a Ransom Video.

Fun fact: Onion is played by my best man who is taking me to Atlantic City later today for my bachelor party. My other groomsman (Thug 2) will also be there as will my buddy (Mayfield). Thanks, guys! Eight years later and we're still up to no good.

How I'd Write Superman (If Someone Was Nice Enough To Ask Me...)

2011-01-10T14:34:00.027-05:00

The pitch: Superman is supremely confident in his ability to save the world but lacks any confidence in his social skills.

At first this disconnect seems to lack any common sense. But think about it: how many successful, fine looking men find that no matter what talents they possess they can't get a girl or be popular? They sit at their computers, or toil away in their labs, coming up with the modern miracles that are literally saving lives but come home at the end of the day to an empty apartment because they fear they don't have the social skills to be surrounded by people who care about them. This is the lens through which I would view Superman.

Obviously he knows if he just goes around as Superman all the time women will flock to him and he will have no shortage of friends. But he would never be able to truly assess how many of those are genuine and how many just "love" him for his riches. Not to mention he feels like that approach would be using his powers to emotionally exploit people. This doesn't work for someone who wants genuine emotional connections. Thus the secret identity. He wants to save the world as Superman but he wants to feel loved as Clark Kent, the geek that he is.

The emotional disconnect allows Superman to still be the role model for all that is good and save the world, while making Clark Kent be someone we can all relate to.

Some thoughts on a few characters and how this would affect their relationships:

Lois Lane: He loves Lois unconditionally. He wants her to love him unconditionally too. That means loving Clark Kent, not Superman. But the poor guy just can't figure out how to get her interested! He's persistent and she's constantly shooting him down. "Clark, I really care about you... like a brother."
Jimmy Olsen: Superman's pal and Clark's best friend. Clark confides in Jimmy as both. I like the idea of a 3-way friendship with only two people. Jimmy's always getting into stupid trouble. Clark doesn't want to lose his best friend so he's always there as Superman to save him.
Lex Luthor: The exact opposite of our hero. Lex yearns for the freedom to be a rotten a person on the inside but be revered by all for the power he wields. He hates Superman because this strange visitor from another planet doesn't take advantage of the fact that everyone loves him. He feels like Superman's power is wasted on such a goody-goody.
The Fortress of Solitude: Ok, this is not a character but a fun idea. If Superman is a geek, then the Fortress is his parents' basement. He gets to relax playing with the coolest computer and chemistry set on the planet.

At the end of the day I wanted to take a different approach from the recent entries (such as Superman: Earth One graphic novel and Smallville) that try to sexy-up Superman. I wanted to make him someone the geeks can really relate and look up to. He was ours first, after all.

Bonus! A slight redesign of the Superman shield I sketched the other day.

And Then God Blew Himself Up (Because Why Not?)

2011-01-07T13:09:00.000-05:00

First a quick note: Going forward I will be updating this site with new content at least every Monday and Friday (including holidays, because that's just how I do it). I got some interesting ideas for the future that I'm excited to get the ball rolling on.

This week I read God's Debris and The Religion War by Scott Adams. They were, to put it lightly, fun books for those of us who like to make our brain spin and philosophize endlessly. In fact, God's Debris is available as a no-strings attached, free ebook. Go, download it and read it if you haven't. It's short enough to be read in one sitting but the ideas -- that range from the practical to batshit insane -- are enough to keep you thinking about it long after. The sequel is a more straight forward in terms of plot as it applies the character's philosophy to an impeding war he is trying to avert. If God's Debris is a Socratic conversation, you could say The Religion War is the companion parable.

At the end of both books the author gives his email address and encourages us to share our comments. So, of course, I did. Now I share that email with you guys. If you haven't read the books but intend to and are adverse to spoilers look away now! If you don't intend to read the books, maybe my thoughts will give you pause to reconsider. And if you want to talk about them with me, please leave a comment! I'm dying to talk about them (duh).

Here's my email:

Hi,

These books were a blast. Some comments. Excuse any incoherence, but the books inspire me to think in a stream of consciousness. I do hope you make it to the end!

In God's Debris, I gotta say, the general philosophy is my philosophy: the idea of questioning everything and that our minds fill in the gaps with delusions. Which I saw far more compelling than any specific view of reality.

The evolution argument was interesting to me. It's kind of a great magic trick the old man pulls on the guy. The "dishware evolution" argument presents a compelling reason as to why evolution could be wrong but does not actually say evolution is wrong. In fact, you could argue that his dishware evolution theory is not wrong, from a certain point of view, and thus the theory of our evolution is correct as well. It's a fun little puzzle.

But, hey, I find no arguments with his view on relationships. Goddamn if that's not how it goes!

The Religion War was a perfect companion piece. The first thing that struck me was his conversation with the guard at I-Wing. It was a mini-recreation of the first book, with the added bonus of being inside the old man's head. That chapter read to me like an explanation of what you were doing to the reader in God's Debris. I had a good laugh.

And evolution comes up again. The delivery man-turned-old man asks the same question the original old man had asked him, "how come we haven't seen changes?" Only whereas the original old man used that to plant the idea that it's because, perhaps, evolution isn't real, the new old man has a specific answer to it. That happens more than once in this book. You revisit ideas from God's Debris that were used to illustrate the old man's view of reality then change them up on us.

Which is why I keep circling back to my original interpretation of God's Debris: it's not about what reality is but how to approach reality.

I find the end of The Religion War compelling. The War had to begin for the events that would end it to be put into motion. See, the way I read it, the old man was very much like Cruz and al-Zee in that he believed God was on his side and thus he could not fail. He was on the precipice of essentially dropping down a level and leaving the world without an Avatar.

The Avatar is the pinnacle of self awareness. But he is human not God and if all humans create delusions to fill in the blanks then he, by definition, does the same. So if he's fully self aware then he knows he's got at least some delusions. Which in turn means he knows he's not fully self aware. This is the paradox of the Avatar: being the Avatar means knowing there is no Avatar. That's the kind of software loop that would shut down a computer.

Oh, hey, the Avatar's brain shuts down and only then does Mackey release the GoD program and Stacey assert her Prime Influencer power. It's as if the only way for the Avatar to be correct would be for him to not be conscious. If he is no longer conscious then he is no longer delusional either and thus the Avatar paradox is resolved and he can be correct.

Yeah, I had a blast with these books. Thanks!

Best,
Rolando

Back to the Future Revisited Again & So On

2011-01-03T18:55:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! Let's start it off right: with some recycled content about a series of movies the last of which came out over 20 years.

We all know how much I absolutely love Back to the Future. The day after Christmas, I treated myself to a marathon. Because there is nothing better to cure the hangover of family interactions than the coolest movies of all time.

Oh, but I didn't just watch them. I live tweeted my thoughts, most of which ended up being wonderfully sarcastic and some of which, I think, actually ended up being quite insightful. I present these tweets to you now:

Let the Back to the Future marathon begin!

Why does Doc have a 50's jukebox in his 1985 apartment?

Marty kisses his girl then hitches a ride on the back of a cop car. He's always more of a punk than I remember him.

In the 80's ghosts research was turned into a business and time travel was achieved in a mall parking lot. #BTTF123 #Ghostbusters

We seriously need a Back to the Future remake to have Obama in the Goldie Wilson scene. "A black president, that'll be the day!"

Maybe you were adopted? "What did your mother ever see in that kid?!" Doc's a playboy. Just saying.

The skateboard scene NEVER gets old. Especially the finale.

Biff isn't just a bully, he's a psychopath. He tries to KILL Marty and later RAPE Lorraine.

Theory: I think even before reading the letter, Doc had figured out what happened between Marty's attitude and the video.

"We're gonna take a little break [to get ripshit stoned] but don't nobody go nowhere."

Don't worry, as long as you hit the wire at 88mph the instance lightening strikes with no margin for error everything'll be fine

#ILoveDocBrownSoMuch #BTTF123

1985 Hill Valley really is a rundown shithole.

Hey, Dave & Linda: if you have better jobs in this new 1985 why don't you MOVE OUT?

Best part about the way Back to the Future ends is that it doesn't.

The moral of the story is punch dudes, kiss girls, drive fast and play rock-n-roll.

Before I move on let's get this out of the way: Elisabeth Shue is fine (love Adventures in Babysitting) but she's no Claudia Wells #BTTF123

She saw the time machine. Things that happen when you arrive in broad daylight, Doc. #NotThinking4thDimensionally

I'm more disappointed that we haven't abolished all lawyers, instead of no hoverboards.

Griff's gang is very progressive; it's ethnically and gender diverse.

I've seen this at least 100 times & just realized Isaac "H" Newton = Jesus "H" Christ - I thought that was his middle initial

Love all the details you can notice in HD. For instance: Marty's 2015 boss is 42 years old. Younger than sad, old Marty :(

Eat gullwing door, Biff. I gotta say, Evil 1985 Biff is amazing. He's a pure, unrestrained dickhead.

Fun fact: the UCLA sports announcer on the radio is the guy who does He-Man's voice.

If I were Biff, I'd certainly keep stories of being schooled by a short kid and flying cars to myself.

Man, seriously, Back to the Future Part II is just an insane movie. I love it.

Part II is not so much a movie as it is lots of cool shit happening one after the other.

Doc is so happy blowing up the entrance to that mine. Finally, an explosion in these movies!

The pink hoverboard matches the pink cowboy shirt. Always stlyin' McFly.

Marty takes the hanging pretty well. I guess he's used to attempted murder by the Tannens at this point.

Of course the Doc can dance, Marty. Don't you remember the jukebox in his lab?

Do we all agree that when Doc spends the night at Clara's he gets laid? What a playboy.

Evil 1985 Biff, true poetic justice is your movie choice proving to be your ancestor's undoing.

Train sequence isn't quite up there with the clocktower but it's so, so good.

Marty's totally just assuming Biff is gonna try to kill him when he sees him in the garage with the 4x4.

No question. The Back to the Future trilogy is the most epic bromance of all time.

Biggest takeways from yesterday's BTTF marathon: 1) The Tannens try to murder Marty a lot

Biggest takeways from yesterday's BTTF marathon: 2) The main thread of the series is - I'm being genuine here - an epic bromance

Ok, still reading? Interesting post-script to this story: The real Claudia Wells RT'ed me and thanked me! OMG! No, seriously, that's the coolest thing ever. Check it out:

See you in the future, kids.

Hubristic Fun: Redesigning Vader

2010-12-30T15:19:00.001-05:00

There are few, if any, characters in modern culture that are more perfectly designed than Star Wars' Darth Vader. So, hey, why not take a stab at redesigning him?

My buddy Matt sent me a link to the The Swedish Bed (a pop culture blog, despite that suggestive name) which had great illustrators reimagining the famous villain's look. The catch was to work off the description in the original script. I thought that sounded like a fun idea for a snow day. Here's the excerpt from the script:

INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER — MAIN HALLWAY. The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Sith makes his way into the blinding light of the main passageway. This is Darth Vader, right hand of the Emperor. His face is obscured by his flowing black robes and grotesque breath mask, which stands out next to the fascist white armored suits of the Imperial stormtroopers. Everyone instinctively backs away from the imposing warrior and a deathly quiet sweeps through the Rebel troops. Several of the Rebel troops break and run in a frenzied panic.

And here's what I came up with (click to enlarge):

Clearly, I was very drawn to the idea of the robes. With the first one (on the left), I imagined those layers of robes which could be pulled back to reveal the large, imposing figure beneath them. I went for the strips because I imagine him as a kind of whirling dervish in battle: fast and brutal, overwhelming your senses. However, I think I prefer the second design (on the right). Instead of going for imposing in the heavy, physical sense, I tried using the robes and breathing device to create a techno-angel-of-death. I wanted him to be more of a wraith. When he walks towards you it's quickly and graceful; without being able to see his limbs you may think he's floating. He's scary because you fear he could kill you with a simple touch.

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 6

2010-12-24T16:21:00.001-05:00

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

LAST TIME ON THE OMEGA KID: Despite Alfie's best laid plans, The Omega Kid's friends took to the skies in the spirit of Saint Nick, bringing more goodwill that ever. But it was the Omega Kid's own declaration of belief that finished tilting the scale in their favor, releasing the one and only Santa Claus! And now, the conclusion...

EXT. NORTH POLE - NIGHT
Alfie lays in the snow, seemingly helpless, looking up at The Omega Kid and Santa Claus. He reaches into his diaper and whips out a laser gun. He fires it at Santa!

ALFIE
Die Claus! Die!

Santa merely lifts his hand and deflects the laser back at Alfie, knocking the gun out of his little hands.

ALFIE
You'll never take me alive!

Alfie, still too small to walk, crawls away. It's not exactly effective. Santa walks over and picks him up, cradling Alfie like the infant that he is.

ALFIE
You fat jerk! I demand you let me go!

Santa creates a pacifier out of thin air and sticks it in Alfie's mouth.

Blargh, ever the loyal henchmonster, makes a run at Santa but is intercepted by The Omega Kid!

OMEGA KID
I've had enough of you.

Omega Kid nails Blargh with a massive right hook that lays out the monster. Then, The Omega Kid grabs Blargh by the feet, swings him around and launches him into the stratosphere! Blargh flies higher and higher until he's out of sight.

EXT. SPACE - CONTINUOUS
Blargh is literally in orbit.

BLARGH
Blargh?

EXT. NORTH POLE - MOMENTS LATER
The Omega Kid turns to Santa, who's still cradling Alfie.

OMEGA KID
I'm sorry.

SANTA CLAUS
For what?

OMEGA KID
I didn't believe. I was ready to let Alfie come up here and not do anything about it.

SANTA CLAUS
You're too hard on yourself. "Santa Claus" is a pretty ridiculous idea anyway.

OMEGA KID
So is being a superhero and yet, here I am.

SANTA CLAUS
(laughing)
Good point.

Santa extends a hand. The Omega Kid shakes it.

SANTA CLAUS
Thank you.

Alfie squirms indignitantly in Santa's other arm.

OMEGA KID
What about him?

SANTA CLAUS
He'll get just what he deserves this Christmas.

INT. ALFIE'S HOUSE - CHRISTMAS MORNING
Alfie sits, very frustrated, under a Christmas tree. ALFIE'S MOM and ALFIE'S DAD sit next to him giving him present after present. They're all ridiculous, remedial baby toys. To add insult to injury, they speak to him in baby gibberish.

ALFIE'S MOM
Alfie's our special wittwe baby!

ALFIE'S DAD
Yes you are! Mewwy Chrwistmas!

Alfie is displeased.

INT. JERRY'S BEDROOM - CHRISTMAS MORNING
Dania walks in, carrying breakfast on a tray. Jerry snores. She gently wakes him up. Jerry immediately goes for his coffee. After taking a sip, he breaks into a big smile.

JERRY
Do you hear that?

DANIA
What?

JERRY
Silence. Blessed silence.

Dania rolls her eyes. Jerry beams.

INT. LAWRENCE'S ROOM - CHRISTMAS MORNING
Lawrence is fast asleep. He rolls over, something digs into his back, jolting him wide awake.

LAWRENCE
Ow!

He looks behind him and finds a neatly wrapped gift box on his bed. His eyes light up as he rips off the paper. It's... a brand new X-Station! He looks around his room notices that it's filled with toys once again!

LAWRENCE
Awesome!

He jumps out of bed and dances around the room.

INT. RICK'S ROOM - CHRISTMAS MORNING
Snow falls outside the window. The covers are over Rick's head. He pulls them off, sits up and lets out a monster yawn. It's been a long night, after all. He swings his legs out of bed and gets ready to stand up, only to notice there's something on his nightstand: a glass of milk and a plate of cookies. Next to them is a card. He picks up the card and opens it. It reads:

"I believe in The Omega Kid."

Rick smiles. From under his bed he takes out a small shoe box. Inside the box is The Omega Amulet. He puts the card next to the Amulet and slides it under the bed again.

There's a knock at his door.

NATALIE (O.C.)
Rick are you awake?

RICK
Yeah!

Natalie opens the door.

NATALIE
Merry Christmas!

RICK
Merry Christmas, mom!

He runs out of bed and gives her a big hug.

EXT. SMALL TOWN IN TURKEY - CHRISTMAS MORNING 2010
Despite the centuries and modern architecture, the geography makes it clear this is the place where Myra stood centuries ago. It's a bustling, modern day town. Cruise ships are docked at the port. The streets are paved. And on the spot of the old butcher shop is a small house.

INT. HOUSE - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
A man lays in bed. His back is to us, so we can't see his face. On the nightstand next to him is a small present, beautifully wrapped. The man wakes up and spots it. He pulls off the wrapping paper to reveal:

A lump of coal.

The man looks up and we see he's The Butcher. Still alive after all these centures. And still miserable.

Somewhere in the distance a familiar, joyful laugh echoes.

SANTA CLAUS (O.C.)
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

THE END. Thanks for reading!

(Credit: the star field I used as a background for my artwork was from this site)

Job Application: Way Too Honest Edition

2010-12-22T00:53:00.000-05:00

So I just filled out a job application. They had three little tasks to complete as part of the process. This is what happens when I decide "let me just go ahead and be myself."

Ok, the first task: write a haiku. Well, Steve Jobs certainly knows I'm a poet. For this one, I challenged myself to tell the story of Batman, from a disturbing angle. I mean, if that doesn't scream "Rolando!" I don't know what does.

Next up: they asked us to play the refrigerator word magnet game. They said to play it like we do at home. I took that literally. I've never written anything with fridge magnets that isn't filthy. I... I just can't help myself.

The last challenge was to draw something. Remember when I said if the Batman haiku doesn't scream "Rolando!" I don't know what does? I lied. This does:

Because Back to the Future fucking rules. I've even written about it in the past, with diagrams and everything.

I know for a fact that I'd hire me. Seriously, that DeLorean picture? Awesome. I think I'll make it my new desktop.

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 5

2010-12-20T17:38:00.002-05:00

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

LAST TIME ON THE OMEGA KID: The Omega Kid faced off against Alfie in an icy sanctuary beneath the North Pole. With his amazing intellect, Alfie tricked The Omega Kid into increasing the size of the throne-capacitor that holds "Santa Claus" before capturing the hero in unbreakable chains. But luckily Lawrence managed to escape...

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jerry and Dania sit, alone, drinking coffee.

DANIA
I hate this part.

JERRY
You mean when they're off saving the world and we're left alone?

DANIA
Yes.

JERRY
It's my favorite part.

Then: A KNOCK AT THE WINDOW. Dania runs to it. She opens the blinds to see Lawrence's face pressed up against the glass.

LAWRENCE
(muffled)
Let me in!

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER

LAWRENCE
...And so I flew the sleigh back here. We have to do something!

JERRY
Well, we certainly can't leave that thing parked outside my window.

LAWRENCE
No! About Rick! And Santa!

DANIA
If the capacitor is twice as large, that means we'd need twice the goodwill to release it.

JERRY
And how do you suggest we do that?

The three of them fall silent and contemplate the situation.

LAWRENCE
Toys!

JERRY
Do you think about anything else?

LAWRENCE
No! Toys. There are all sorts of kids out there not getting anything for Christmas, like in Saint Nicholas's time. Why don't we just do what he did?

JERRY
That's a ho-horendous plan.

DANIA
Actually, it could work. But where are we going to get that many toys?

INT. LAWRENCE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
It's a two story Brooklyn brownstone. Lawrence comes bursting through the front door, with an empty sack, and races up the stairs.

LAWRENCE'S MOM (O.C.)
Lawrence is that you?

LAWRENCE
Yeah, mom! Just grabbing some toys to donate to charity for Christmas!

LAWRENCE'S MOM (O.C.)
That's nice.

INT. LAWRENCE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUSLY
This room is crammed with toys of every kind. Electronics, actions figures, videos, music players and more. Lawrence begins throwing stuff into the empty sack.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY - CONCURRENTLY
The Omega Kid hangs upside down from the ceiling of the icy sanctuary, besides the now huge throne. Alfie and Blargh look on as the ball of energy slowly increases in size but is still dwarfed by the throne.

ALFIE
How does it feel to know you're responsible for capturing Claus?

Alfie laughs maniacally! The Omega Kid looks concerned.

INT. LAWRENCE'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
The room is bare... almost. They only toy Lawrence hasn't put into the bag is his X-Station video game console. He reluctantly takes it, stuffs it into the sack and leaves.

EXT. MANHATTAN - CLOUDS ABOVE THE CITY
Lawrence drives the sleigh, Dania navigates from the passenger's seat. Jerry sit in the back seat. He's taking presents out of the sack and attaching little parachutes.

DANIA
We can use the onboard computers to pinpoint the most impoverished areas. Then we fly by and drop the presents. Simple.

LAWRENCE
Something's missing, though.

JERRY
Common sense?

LAWRENCE
No, that's not it. Hmmm... (beat) I know!

Lawrence digs under his seat for something. He comes up with the Saint Nicholas' red robes and stocking cap.

LAWRENCE
Someone's gotta play Santa!

Dania and Lawrence look at Jerry.

JERRY
Oh, no. No way. No chance.

They keep staring. Jerry sighs and puts out his hand. Lawrence smiles and gives him the robes.

EXT. NIGHT SKY - MEDIUM SHOT
The sleigh flies through the sky like a streak of light. Jerry, in Saint Nick's robes, tosses gifts over the side. Much like in the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer cartoon, they float down to earth on their little parachutes. Lawrence and Dania laugh.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY
The ball of energy on the throne begins to grow! Alfie swoops over and scans it, concerned.

ALFIE
This can't be right... it's increasing beyond the original threshold.

OMEGA KID
Worried?

ALFIE
Of course not. Your friends would have to double the goodwill energy. They're not that good!

EXT. NIGHT SKY - INSIDE THE SLEIGH
They're still flying and dropping gifts.

LAWRENCE
Dude, you have to say it.

DANIA
He's right.

Jerry gives them a dirty look then belts out:

JERRY
HO! HO! HO!

EXT. NIGHT SKY - WIDE SHOT
Jerry's Santa-laugh echoes, loud and cheerful.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY
The light grows! Alfie's breaking out into a sweat.

EXT. NIGHT SKY - INSIDE THE SLEIGH
Jerry pulls out the last toy in the box: The X-Station.

LAWRENCE
Wait!

He takes it from Jerry and caresses it. He looks like he's going to cry. It's his favorite toy! But finally he hands it back over to Jerry, who tosses it over the side.

JERRY
I ho-ho-hope that's enough.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY - CONTINUOUS
In one final surge, the ball of energy grows bigger and brighter! Alfie shields his eyes, expecting something big.

BLARGH
Blargh?

Alfie slowly uncovers his eyes and slowly realizes nothing is going to happen. He bursts into laughter.

ALFIE
It wasn't enough! Claus is still mine!

Alfie gives Blargh a triumphant high-five. He turns to face the Omega Kid who looks calm despite the dire situation.

ALFIE
Any last words, my defeated enemy?

The Omega Kid smiles.

OMEGA KID
Yeah. I believe in Santa Claus.

Suddenly, with Rick's declaration, the energy expands one last time! The throne-capacitor trembles and quakes, then the entire sanctuary begins to collapse!

ALFIE
Uh-oh.

EVERYTHING GOES WHITE.

EXT. NORTH POLE - MOMENTS LATER
Alfie and Blargh lay passed out on the snow. Slowly they begin to wake up, confused.

ALFIE
What happened? How'd we get out here?

He hears footsteps behind them, rolls over and looks up. The confusion on Alfie's face turns to sheer terror.

REVERSE OVER HIS SHOULDER TO REVEAL: SANTA CLAUS! The real thing. Fat, jolly, white beard, red cap, the whole nine yards. Standing next to Santa, smiling, is The Omega Kid.

OMEGA KID
Merry Christmas.

SANTA CLAUS
Alfie, you've been bad this year.

CONTINUED HERE!

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 4

2010-12-17T17:17:00.003-05:00

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

LAST TIME ON THE OMEGA KID: Rick and Lawrence learned the secret history of Santa Claus. With Alfie, aka The World's Most Evil & Smart Baby, on his way to the North Pole, The Omega Kid and friends must decide on their next move! And now Part 4:

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT

DANIA

No. You're staying here with us.

LAWRENCE

I'm not missing my chance to meet Santa Claus. Imagine all the presents we'll get if we save him!

JERRY

What a lovely way to look at it.

LAWRENCE

Tell 'em, Rick.

RICK

It will be safer here.

Lawrence looks at all three of them. They look back. He furrows his brow and stands his ground.

LAWRENCE

I'm going and that's that.

EXT. MANHATTAN - CLOUDS ABOVE - NIGHT

Up here in the clouds, the city looks peaceful. It's perfectly silent and serene.

LAWRENCE (O.C.)

Whooooooo-hooooo!!!! Yeeeeeahh!

Rick, now changed into The Omega Kid, burst through a cloud, flying at top speed. Hold onto his back is Lawrence. While Lawrence smiles and hollers uncontrollably, The Omega Kid looks less than thrilled.

OMEGA KID

You're not going to do this the whole way, are you?

LAWRENCE

Probably. Waaaaaaaah!!!!

The Omega Kid frowns as they fly off.

EXT. NORTH POLE - NIGHT

It hasn't changed much since 321AD. An icy, barren landscape. Nothing but snow and darkness.

The silence is disturbed by the rumbling sound of an engine. Slowly a craft that looks like a cross between a small plane and a sleigh descends from the sky. When it lands we see the pilot is Alfie, sitting in a car seat. He's all bundled up for the cold. In the seat beside him is Blargh, whose fur keeps him plenty warm.

ALFIE

The North Pole, at last!

Blargh gets out of the sleigh. From the back seat he takes the flying baby walker, unstraps Alfie from the car seats and helps him into it. Alfie presses a button on the walker's control panel and a little screen pops up.

ALFIE

If my calculations are correct, the workshop must be right beneath us. Blargh, let's make an entrance.

Blargh begins pounding on the icy ground. It cracks and give way. Finally a fissure opens up to reveal an icy staircase. It leads deep underground.

ALFIE

The fat man's jig is up!

Alfie flips another switch on his walker and headlights turn on. He leads the way down the stairs, Blargh follows.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY - MOMENTS LATER

Alfie and Blarge reach the bottom of the stairs. It opens into a crystal sanctuary. In fact it greatly resembles Santa's Village from the department store, only made of beautiful crystals.

Two things draw our immediate attention: a display case inside of which we see what appears to be Saint Nicholas' red robes and stocking cap, well preserved through the centuries. And then there's what looks like a crystal throne. Resting on the seat is the ball of energy we saw before. Only smaller.

ALFIE

Jackpot, Blargh! The readings are off the charts!

Alfie approaches the throne. He looks down at this little screen and checks the readings.

ALFIE

Fascinating. It's like this little ball of energy is made of pure light. And this throne appears to be a capacitor of sorts.

The ball of energy begins to grow, ever slightly.

ALFIE

Of course! As we approach Christmas the energy seems to increase. When it reaches a critical point the conductor releases it. That must be when Claus comes out. To keep him as our prisoner we'll need to increase the size of the capacitor. Any ideas, Blargh?

Alfie turns around. Blargh has opened the display case. He's wearing Saint Nicholas' robes and stocking cap, only they're way too small for him.

BLARGH

Blargh?

EXT. NORTH POLE - CONTINUOUS

The Omega Kid and Lawrence swoop down from the sky, landing beside's Alfie's sleigh and the opening in the ground.

OMEGA KID

Looks like they're hear already.

Lawrence has wasted no time climbing into Alfie's sleigh. He's poking around at the controls.

OMEGA KID

Be careful!

LAWRENCE

Careful? The controls look like Nintendo designed them. A baby can figure this thing out. Which I guess makes sense.

(beat)

What with Alfie being a baby.

OMEGA KID

Let's go.

Lawrence hops out of the sleigh and looks down the staircase. He pats The Omega Kid on the shoulder.

LAWRENCE

Superheroes first.

INT. NORTH POLE SANCTUARY - MOMENTS LATER

Alfie is chastising Blargh.

ALFIE

Take that ridiculous outfit off!

Blargh looks upset as he takes it off and hands it to Alfie who angrily tosses them aside.

The robes and cap land by the end of the staircase, right as The Omega Kid's foot reaches the last step. Alfie and Blargh are too busy checking out the throne to notice.

OMEGA KID

(whispering)

Stay back. Don't get involved.

The Omega Kid walks into the santuary. Lawrence picks up Saint Nicholas' robes and actually listens, hanging back.

ALFIE

I need to figure something out before Christmas or it'll be too late.

OMEGA KID

It's already too late!

Alfie turns around, once again taken by surprise.

ALFIE

Always you! Maybe if you had more clever one liners, though, it would be less annoying.

OMEGA KID

Everyone's a critic.

Blargh gets ready to go into battle with the Omega Kid.

ALFIE

No, Blargh! Get the throne, it's small enough for you to move it!

Blargh changes direction and heads for the throne. The Omega Kid launches himself towards Blargh, bodychecking the huge monster. Blargh slips on the ice, away from the throne and slams into the ice walls of the sanctuary.

OMEGA KID

Clever baby. But I'm smarter. I can just make it bigger.

The Omega Kid puts one hand on the throne and the other on the icy floor of the cave. The Omega Amulet begins to glow. The throne and the icy floor morph. He's using the ice on the ground to make the throne bigger! It doubles in size!

ALFIE

Thanks for that, Kid! Blargh!

Blargh grabs The Omega Kid from behind and tosses him away from the throne. Alfie presses another button on his walker's control panel. From the back of his seat a compartment opens and out come the red and green Christmas chains the Omega Kid made to capture Blargh earlier. Alfie flies around the dazed Omega Kid, tying him up. The Omega Kid is helpless!

ALFIE

Too easy! Your hands can't reach the chains and you made them too strong for even you to break. And now that the capacitor throne is twice the size, it will take twice the energy to free Claus! Ha!

LAWRENCE (O.C.)

No!

Alfie turns to see Lawrence by the staircase.

ALFIE

Get him!

Blargh runs and Alfie flies towards Lawrence, who's already high tailing it up the stairs.

EXT. NORTH POLE - CONTINUOUS

Lawrences reaches the top of the stairs, out of breath but doesn't stop. He jumps into Alfie's sleigh and fires it up.

LAWRENCE

Who says video games don't teach you anything useful?

Blargh and Alfie reach the top of the stairscase in time to see him fly off.

ALFIE

Blast! But no matter, we have the Omega Kid and we have Claus. There's nothing he can do now. We win!

CONTINUED HERE!

Guest Strip Makin'

2010-12-16T09:30:00.003-05:00

I was going to title this post "Guest Strippin'" but then I realized everyone would get the wrong impression. Anyway.

If you've been following me lately, you can probably tell I've begun drawing more and more. So much, in fact, that I've taken on two guest strip projects. I wanted to share a little preview of my process.

The first was "commissioned" by my buddy, Matt Shafeek, for a post he'll be doing on his blog. His blog which, by the way, is hilarious and thoughtful so you should read it: www.mattshafeek.com. I really enjoyed the challenge he gave me. "Cracking" the story was tough but in the end I think I came up with something effective. The post will be up on Saturday, in the meantime, here's a sneak peak of my comic:

The second strip I offered to do for a fantastic webcomic, Mojo. First of all, read it at www.mojocomic.com and follow the creator on Twitter @skar. This was a lot of fun from a writing perspective. I loved the challenge of writing in the characters' voices and keeping the tone of the series. Also, drawing it was a blast. Seriously, I spent like two hours just sketching Mojo in different poses the other night for fun more than practice. This won't post until late February, so I'll just give you a tiny tease of what I came up with:

I want to do more of this kind of work in the future. Especially the writing aspects of it.

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 3

2010-12-13T19:20:00.003-05:00

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2

LAST TIME ON THE OMEGA KID: The Omega Kid valiantly fought off Alfie and his pet monster, Blargh, after they launched a Christmas Eve attacked on a department store. As the villianous baby high tailed it to the North Pole in search of Santa Claus, Jerry dropped a bombshell on Rick: Saint Nick may not be a myth after all. And now, the Secret Origin of Santa Claus!

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - EVENING
Jerry's apartment is on the 25th floor of a high rise on the East Side. The view from his windows is beautiful.

Jerry is sitting in his comfortable chair. The boys are next to him. DANIA WALLACE (30's, hip but nerdy) has joined them. There's a tray of cookies and hot chocolate. Rick sips his chocolate, Lawrence helps himself to three cookies.

LAWRENCE
Ok, so about these presents.

RICK
Enough with the presents, dude.

LAWRENCE
Fine, fine.

RICK
Can you please explain what's going on? Alfie's going to the North Pole. Big deal. Maybe he'll catch a cold. Good.

JERRY
Unless, of course, he actually manages to capture Santa Claus.

RICK
Santa Claus is not real!

DANIA
That's not exactly true.

Dania walks to Jerry's bookshelf. She thumbs through a few volumes before finding the right one. It looks ancient and weathered. She tries handing it to Jerry.

JERRY
No thank you. You tell them.

Dania sits back down and opens the book.

DANIA
You boys know there was a real Saint Nicholas, right?

Lawrence takes out his smartphone and pushes some buttons. He reads off the screen:

LAWRENCE
"Saint Nicholas: bishop in the village of Myra, part of Turkey. Known for secret gift-giving and became the model for Santa Claus."

JERRY
Kids today don't need to read, huh?

DANIA
Right, Lawrence. But that's only part of the story.

BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE:

EXT. VILLAGE OF MYRA - DECEMBER, 320AD
A small village by the sea. We're seeing it in its prime. People are bustling about. Men unload boats packed with livestock, vegetables and grains. Kids run through the dirty streets, laughing loudly.

At the heart of the village is a beautiful but modest church. Standing at the entrance is SAINT NICHOLAS, an older man with a flowing white beard dressed in bishop's robes and towering hat. When the kids come running, he gives them a stern look. They stop running and get quiet as they walk in front of the church. The moment they're past it, though, they're right back to goofing off. Nicholas watches them run away. The stern look melts into a big smile.

DANIA (V.O.)
Myra was a thriving village when Nicholas took his post.

EXT. MYRA - FEBRUARY, 321AD
Same village. Slightly less bustling. Specifically, we don't see as much livestock or grain coming off the boats.

DANIA (V.O.)
The famine began slow.

EXT. MYRA - JULY, 321AD
Similar scene. There are less boats and less loads coming off them. Less bustle. People look upset.

DANIA (V.O.)
Despite the hope that it would turn around, it only got worse.

EXT. MYRA - NOVEMBER 321AD
Now things are really bad. There is one boat and almost nothing is being unloaded. The few people out and about look miserable. The kids on the street aren't running around.

DANIA (V.O.)
By the last months of the year, it seemed like all was lost. Any joy had given way to hopeless despair.

Nicholas stands at the church door, looking at the dying village, overcome with sadness. He turns and goes inside.

INT. CHURCH - NICHOLAS' PRIVATE CHAMBERS
Nicholas unlocks a chest he keeps in a corner of the room.

DANIA (V.O.)
Nicholas knew this was no ordinary famine. He resolved to find the answers and save Myra.

From inside the chest he pulls out clothes: dark red robes and a matching stocking cap. He takes off his bishop hat.

EXT. MYRA - NIGHT
The streets are empty. A figure moves in the shadows. It's Nicholas in his red robes and stocking cap pulled low.

DANIA (V.O.)
That night he made his way through town, checking every store, every house, every corner. It was all dark and quiet. Except...

A dimly lit shop at the end of the village. Nicholas makes his way over and looks in the window.

INT. BUTCHER SHOP - CONTINUOUS
The BUTCHER is alone, wearing sinister robes. The floor of his little shop is open to reveal a cellar beneath it. There's a roaring fire down there. He throws livestock and grain into it, while performing a ritual.

DANIA (V.O.)
Nicholas was horrified but he'd read about this in his studies.

INT. CHURCH - NICHOLAS' PRIVATE CHAMBERS - LATER
Nicholas opens the locked chest again and pulls out the same book Danie took from the bookshelf, only it looks new.

DANIA (V.O.)
The Butcher was trying to wake dark energies in hope of eternal life. He was plunging the villagers into hopelessness so that the dark feelings would feed the energy.

Nicholas flips through the book.

DANIA (V.O.)
Yet there was another energy buried deep in the Earth. A powerful, good energy. An energy that needed to be fed feelings of joy and goodwill. If Nicholas could raise it, the dark energy would be no match.

INT. CHURCH - NICHOLAS' PRIVATE CHAMBERS - DECEMBER
Nicholas toils away in private, making toys out of wood and putting them into a sack, one by one.

DANIA (V.O.)
Nicholas knew the power of children to be joyous. He worked all month, in preparation for Christmas Eve.

EXT. MYRA - DECEMBER 24TH - NIGHT
The village is once again quiet. Nicholas makes his way to the first house he sees. Quietly he sneaks in the back door.

INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Really it's more like a one room shack. The parents are asleep in one corner and their son in the other. Nicholas quietly tip toes towards the boy. From his sack he takes a small wooden horse and lays it next to the sleeping child.

EXT. MYRA - CONTINUOUS
Nicholas exits the house and makes his way to the next one.

DANIA (V.O.)
And so he went from house to house.

EXT. MYRA - CHRISTMAS DAY - DAYBREAK
The streets are still empty. The sky is overcast and gloomy. Then the door to the first house opens and the boy runs out with his toy horse. One by one the doors of the houses open and the children pour into the street with their new toys, running and playing with more zeal than ever!

The parents also come to the door and the joy is infectious. They all gather around, wishing each other Merry Christmas!

EXT. NORTH POLE - CONTINUOUS
An icy, barren landscape. Nothing but snow and darkness. Suddenly a glow begins from deep within the Earth. There is a great quake and a small fissure opens. A BRIGHT BALL OF LIGHT bursts out and flies into the sky!

EXT. MYRA - CONTINUOUS
Everyone is still laughing, some parents have even joined the children in their games.

The Butcher is also out but he is not happy. He looks to the dark sky and THE CLOUDS PART. The dreary day becomes overwhelmingly BRIGHT. Nicholas walks past him. They look at each other. Nicholas winks at the defeated Butcher.

Nicholas then gathers the crowd and leads them toward the port. The sun shines extra bright on the only ship. Nicholas encourages them to go aboard. A few men go first. There is a moment of silence as everyone waits.

When the men come out, their hands are full of vegetables and grains. One of them is herding too many pigs to count.

DANIA (V.O.)
Year after year, Nicholas would play his secret role, insuring the good energy would always come out at least on Christmas. Long after he passed, the legend lived on.

QUICK MONTAGE THROUGH THE CENTURIES
Children in all parts of the world waking up to find Christmas toys: England in the Middle Ages, Italy during the Renaissance, America at the turn of the 20th Century, Africa during the 1990's and so on...

END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE.

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT
Rick and Lawrence are sitting there, minds sufficiently blown. The cookies: uneaten. The hot chocolate: gone cold.

DANIA
That's how the idea of Santa Claus created a very real thing. Recent accounts confirm that the energy source takes Nicholas' shape in his honor.

Dania closes the book. The boys are still too enthralled to speak. Jerry snaps his fingers. They turn to face him.

JERRY
Alfie is a pain but he's smart. If he's up there when the energy comes to life tonight and he captures it, things could be bad.

RICK
So what do we do?

LAWRENCE
I know! We're going the North Pole, aren't we?

CONTINUED HERE!

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 2

2010-12-10T16:29:00.002-05:00

Previous Chapters: 1

LAST TIME ON THE OMEGA KID: A Christmas Eve shopping trip the department store is rudely interrupted by an attack from The World's Most Evil and Smart Baby. Separated from Natalie and Jerry, Rick and Lawrence look for a safe place to plan their next move! And now, Part 2:

INT. GIMBEL'S DEPARTMENT STORE - VIDEO GAME SECTION
Rick and Lawrence dash through the store. Rick leads, Lawrence hustles to keep up, huffing and puffing behind him. As they pass a display of the newest and latest games, Lawrence stops. He looks at all the games, entranced.

LAWRENCE
Awesome... I want them all...

Rick doubles back and drags him away by the elbow.

RICK
No time!

Lawrence grumbles and keeps moving.

INT. GIMBEL'S - FITTING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The place has been abandoned in the chaos. Clothes are strewn about, like a hurricane had touched down.

The boys come crashing through the door. They look around.

LAWRENCE
Coast is clear!

Rick takes the Omega Amulet out of his pocket and closes his eyes. He concentrates. Slowly the Amulet begins to glow, then Rick himself begins glowing. Lawrence shields his eyes as the white light becomes blinding. When it dies down, Rick is still there but he's now THE OMEGA KID!

OMEGA KID
It's nap time for Alfie!

Lawrence rolls his eyes. The Omega Kid shrugs. The boys runs out of the fitting room.

INT. GIMBEL'S - SANTA CLAUS SECTION
Alfie is hovering over the terrified crowd. Natalie and Jerry look on with the rest of them.

ALFIE
Don't worry. I'm not here for any of you insignificant shoppers, caught up in your commercialized Christmas cheer. I'm here for HIM!

Alfie points at Fake Santa. Fake Santa looks around, makes sure he's really be singled out. He sighs.

Blargh jumps out of his sidecar, lumbers towards poor Fake Santa and picks him up by the collar. Fake Santa tries to break free of Blargh's grip. He fails.

FAKE SANTA
What do you want?

BLARGH
Blargh!

FAKE SANTA
What?

BLARGH
Blargh!

ALFIE
What my dimwitted but very large and very strong companion is trying to say is that we have our own Christmas wish list. We want the Omega Kid's Omega Amulet. And you will make our Christmas dreams come true, despite our naughty behavior.

FAKE SANTA
Look kid, I'm not the real Santa. I'm just a guy who was hired by the department store for a few weeks. They don't even give me insurance.
(pulling down his fake beard)
See? Not real.

BLARGH
Blargh?

Suddenly all the little children who had been waiting in line GASP! then immediately being to cry and wail. Screams of "there's no Santa Claus?" come from the crowd of kids. It's a whole new type of chaos!

One CONCERNED DAD tries to comfort his young son.

CONCERNED DAD
It's okay, Tim. That's one of Santa's helpers. The real Santa Claus is in the North Pole getting ready for tonight.

ALFIE
What's that? Bring him to me!

Blargh drops the Fake Santa, who lands on his backside but looks extremely relieve. Blargh grabs the Concerned Dad and brings him over to Alfie.

ALFIE
Tell me what you know about Claus!

CONCERNED DAD
He, uh... has a workshop. In the North Pole...

ALFIE
Of course! How could I have been so dumb!
(beat)
Not that I'm dumb.

OMEGA KID (off camera)
You are if you thought you'd get away with this!

Alfie turns around and see The Omega Kid floating behind him. The Omega Kid smiles and flies toward Alfie, ready to land a right hook!

But Blargh is surprisingly fast. He drops the Concerned Dad and grabs the Omega Kid's fist. Blargh throws the Omega Kid full force towards Santa's throne, which shatters as he crashes into it.

The crowd gasps: "OH NO!"

Blargh runs towards the wreckage, ready to do more damage but the Omega Kid comes flying out and rams into him full force. They go flying through the store, through shelves of clothes and toys before finally slamming into a large, plastic Christmas tree.

Unfortunately, Blargh is only momentarily stunned and The Omega Kid is wrapped up in Christmas tree lights. Blargh picks him up by the string of lights, swings him around and around before sending him flying back the way they came.

The crowd runs out of the way as The Omega Kid crashes into what remains of Santa's Village.

Things look bleak but Lawrences comes rushing through the crowd, out of breath as usual. He grabs one end of the string of lights.

LAWRENCE
Spin, dude! Spin!

The Omega Kid spins super fast, untangling himself.

OMEGA KID
Uh... thanks innocent bystander I've never met before in my life.

The Omega Kid grabs the string of lights and flies towards Blargh, who is bracing for another impact.

Instead the Omega Kid dodges Blargh and starting flying around him, tying him up in the Christmas lights. Blargh looks more confused than concerned.

ALFIE
You think that will hold my monster? I laugh at you! Ha!

OMEGA KID
Not Christmas lights but... Christmas chains!

As he finishes wrapping up Blargh, the Omega Amulet glows and the string of Christmas lights morph into heavy duty steel chains, colored red and green. Blargh struggles to get out but he can't!

The Omega Kid picks up the monster and tosses him at Alfie! Alfie deflty manuevers himself out of the way and swings the sidecar around, so Blargh lands in it.

ALFIE
You may think you have won, Omega Kid but I know where Claus is! Let's go, Blargh. To the North Pole!

Alfie's flies himself and Blargh out the hole in the department store wall and ZOOMS AWAYS into the sky.

OMEGA KID
Good riddence!

EXT. GIMBEL'S DEPARTMENT STORE - LATER
All the customers are filing out of the store, which has shut down early because of the attack. Natalie comes rushing out, followed by Jerry. She's looking through the crowd, worried. Rick and Lawrence come running up to her.

NATALIE
Thank goodness you boys are safe!

She gives Rick a big hug and kiss. He's a little embarassed.

RICK
No big deal, mom. I hid in the fitting room.

NATALIE
I think we should all go home.

JERRY
Natalie, you're shook up. Why don't you let me take the boys back to my place. I got some Christmas presents for them. My grandniece, Dania, will get the home safe.

NATALIE
Are you sure?

JERRY
Of course. They're
(biting his tongue)
never a hassle.

NATALIE
You're too kind, Mr. Irvine.

Natalie gives Rick another hug and kiss.

NATALIE
Love you, Rick.

RICK
Yeah, mom. Love you too.

She leaves them and heads up the block.

LAWRENCE
Dude, you got us presents? Sick!

JERRY
It's not about presents. We need to talk: the real Santa Claus is in danger.

Rick looks at Jerry, slackjawed.

RICK
Wait, say what? "The real Santa?!"

CONTINUED HERE!

A Simple Sonnet for Steve

2010-12-09T19:11:00.001-05:00

My continued attempts to woo Steve Jobs into at least giving us a settings option to reset the iPad orientation lock switch. I wanted to do this sonnet in iambic pentameter but that's really hard.

Check out the others here and here.

The Other, Sad Ending of Back to the Future

2010-12-08T17:36:00.002-05:00

The following is a theory I came up with many, many years ago after watching Back to the Future way too many times. I'm certainly not the first person to think of this (in fact, Starlog magazine published a whole series of articles regarding this idea) but what the hell, I'll share my spin on it.

Spoilers alert for the three of you out there who've never seen Back to the Future (or BTTF as us fanboys refer to it).

At the end of BTTF, Marty returns in time to see "himself" avoid the terrorists and go back to 1955. Then he wraps things up with Doc ("you're alive!") and goes home to find his parents are successful, healthy and, oh by the way, they got him a bitch' 4x4. Nice ride, McFly!

But wait! That's not the family he remembers. That's not his life. On the other hand, the Marty he just saw escape the terrorists and depart for 1955 at Lone Pine Mall presumably lived that life. That Marty remembers the successful parents. His parents didn't meet and fall in love when Lorraine's dad hit George with the car. They met through "our" Marty and fell in love when George laid out Biff.

Let's pause for a second and assign the Martys names for clarity's sake. "Our" Marty, the one we follow throughout the movie, will be Marty-Prime (or Marty-P). The "other" Marty we'll call Screwed Marty (or SMarty).

So what happens to SMarty? As his name implies, he gets screwed. The way I see it, since he arrives in 1955 with a different set of memories and a different history, his actions would also be different. In his version of BTTF, things go badly.

For starters, when he arrives at Peabody's ranch, he drives well enough to avoid hitting the pine tree. Well, that's nice. It keeps the name Twin Pines Ranch and, later, Twin Pines Mall. But here's where shit goes south: SMarty does not stop George from getting hit by the car. Maybe he showed up a split second too late, maybe he chose not to follow George, maybe he went to a different phone booth to find Doc's address and never made that stop at Lou's Cafe thus never meeting his young dad.

This means George gets hit by Lorraine's dad's car. She falls in love with him due to the "Florence Nightingale Effect." George never learns real self confidence. He spends the next thirty years still being picked on by Biff. Lorraine hates her life and becomes a drunk. SMarty has, in effect, created the shitty timeline that Marty-P comes from(!).

None the wiser (because his photograph wouldn't be fading), SMarty meets up with 1955 Doc, they do the experiment at the clocktower a week later and send Marty back to 1985. SMarty returns in time to see "himself" avoid the terrorists and go back to 1955. Then he wraps things up with Doc* and goes home to find... his parents are losers, his dad's a tool and his mom is a drunk. And he doesn't even have a bitchin' 4x4. THE SAD END.**

Now I can expand on the philosophical implications of Marty-P and SMarty actually creating each other's timelines. But that's best saved for another day. In the meantime, he's a little chart to show you what the hell I was talking about:

*For you REAL time travel nerds: Doc can survive in both timelines. See, he's smart like that. He used a bulletproof vest and played dead to survive the terrorists. In this way, he makes both Marty-P and SMarty assume he's dead. Both Martys will then warn him about the terrorists on their respective trips to 1955. You can also take this pre-destination paradox a step further and say that in both timelines Doc became friends with Marty because he knew he would.

**An even sadder ending suggested by my fiancee: SMarty arrives at Twin Pines Ranch after escaping the terrorists but doesn't avoid Peabody's shotgun shell to the chest ("take that you mutated sonabitch!"). SMarty's dead so he doesn't run over the pine, nor is he around to stop George from getting hit by the car. Thus he still produces Marty-P's timeline... just in a much more tragic way. And he's still screwed.

An Omega Kid Christmas: Part 1

2010-12-06T17:09:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone! What follows is the first part of a serialized script I will be running on my site this month: An Omega Kid Christmas. Who is this Omega Kid? You can learn more by reading the first script (here) or going to the 30characters website where I created images and bios of the main characters (here).

New chapters of this story will be posted Mondays and Fridays through Christmas Eve. Enjoy and, if so moved, please feel free to share your thoughts or pass it along to friends. Thanks!

EXT. MIDTOWN MANHATTAN - DUSK
Christmas Eve. The streets are crowded with people of all shapes and sizes, bundled in winter clothes, doing last minute shopping. A Salvation Army Santa Claus rings his bell on a street corner.

A light snow begins to fall.

EXT. GIMBEL'S DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS
The biggest department store in Manhattan. Housed in a block-wide, seven story building that dates to the turn of the century. People are coming in and out by the dozens, while some simply stand around marveling and the window display.

INT. GIMBEL'S - BOYS' CLOTHING SECTION - CONTINUOUS
RICK (11, skinny, wearing a sweatshirt and jeans) and LAWRENCE (also 11, husky, wearing a knit sweater and slacks) run through the crowd, trying to get away from the boring clothes section.

Behind them are NATALIE, Rick's mom and hobbling beside her, leaning on his cane, JERRY (he's real old).

NATALIE
Slow down, boys!

RICK
Don't worry mom, we're right here.

JERRY
I don't think it would be a big deal if they got lost.

NATALIE
(laughing)
Funny, Mr. Irvine.

JERRY
It wasn't a joke.

NATALIE
Thank you for coming out. Richard and I really wanted to get you something for all you've done with Rick. He loves drawing and having a real life comic book artist taking time to teach him means a lot.

JERRY
Well, it's not like he gave me much of a choice.

NATALIE
You're too humble.

JERRY
No, really. Very imposing kids. But they're nice enough, I guess.

Up ahead Lawrence runs into a rack of clothes and sends shirts and pants flying. He and Rick look at each other then run farther ahead.

NATALIE
Slow down!

The boys stop and fall back.

LAWRENCE
What are you doing for Christmas, Mr. Irvine?

JERRY
I'm Jewish. I celebrate Hanukkah.

LAWRENCE
That's awesome, that's like seven days of presents.

RICK
You get enough presents from Christmas.

LAWRENCE
I know! That's the point! I get like eight presents. Times seven days. That's...
(does the math in his head)
Fifty-six presents!

RICK
I don't think it works that way.

They keep walking.

INT. GIMBEL'S - SANTA'S VILLAGE SECTION
Tons of little kids are lined up to take their picture with "Santa" (let's call him FAKE SANTA) and, more importantly, tell him what they want from Christmas.

Fake Santa looks exhausted, despite the chipper facade he's trying to keep up. Poor guy is ready to call it a season.

NATALIE
Rick, do you want to tell Santa what you'd like for Christmas?

RICK
Mom, I haven't believed in Santa Claus for years now.

JERRY
You think you know it all, huh kid?

NATALIE
They grow up so fast.

Lawrence starts pulling ahead again.

LAWRENCE
Come on, Rick. The video game section is just past this.

RICK
Nice!

The boys run through the crowd of kids, leaving Natalie and Jerry behind.

LAWRENCE
There's this new video game where you get to these laser bazookas and then you--

KA-BOOOOOOM!

Suddenly the ENTIRE SOUTHERN WALL is BLOWN UP, leaving a GAPING HOLE. Cold wind rushes in, throwing smoke and debris everywhere. Kids are screaming, parents and panicking, the whole place is complete pandemonium!

Natalie and Jerry are stranded on the west side of the store, Rick and Lawrence on the east, a crowd of confused people between them. Natalie yells to them.

NATALIE
Run, boys! Get to safety!

JERRY
What about us?

Lawrence pulls at Rick.

LAWRENCE
Your mom's right!

RICK
I won't leave them!

LAWRENCE
Think about it! It'll give you a chance to, you know, "change in your work clothes."

He points at Rick's pocket.

RICK
Good call!

Rick reaches into his pocket and pulls out THE OMEGA AMULET. He and Lawrence take off towards some fitting rooms, losing everyone else in the chaos...

EXT. GIMBEL'S DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS

The pedestrains have stopped and look up at the huge hole in the store.

INT. GIMBEL'S - SANTA'S VILLAGE - CONTINUOUS
The crowd looks towards the demolished wall. Something is floating into the store. Through the smoke and debris it's unclear what it is, but it appears large and imposing at first. As the smoke clears the crowd sees:

ALFIE, the self proclaimed "World's Most Evil & Smart Baby" riding a gravity-defying baby walker that he controls with a mounted joystick. He's a feisty little toddler, decked out in baby blue footie pajamas and wearing a wool hat (to protect himself from the cold, of course). He's cackling maniacally.

Attached via a towing cable to Alfie's flying walker is a flying sidecar. Barely fitting into it is BLARGH, a giant, orange, furry monster with a mohawk.He's like an oversized rejected muppet from Sesame Street with a look of perpetual confusion on his face.

The pandemonium of the crowd is slowly replaced by a terrified silence. Only the sound of Alfie's continued laughter fills the air.

ALFIE
Behold! It is me! The World's Most Evil & Smart Baby! Tremble before me you dummies!

JERRY
(under his breath)
Great. This kid. Merrry Christmas.

CONTINUED IN PART 2!

30 Characters Final Roundup!

2010-12-06T14:21:00.001-05:00

Hey guys! Thanks for all the support last month. Here's a final roundup of my 30characters. Enjoy, and be sure to browse the rest of the site. Everyone who joined in did awesome, awesome work. This has been, bar none, one of the best creative experiences of my life. Words really can't express how much I appreciate the opportunity I had to be a part of this.

See the full list after the jump

CAPTAIN KERPLUNK

Lilly Lopez
Tim Grant
Robert Quibral
Steve Griffith
Christopher & Kristine Paley aka The Khrises
Mayor Randolph Nichol
Ephton Valley
Blake Lewis
Captain Kerplunk

THE BOXER

Rush, The Boxer

MASKED

A.K.A.
Cubo Janes
Cassandra Drake
Andy Kross
Parker Reynolds
Marla Triphorne
Davey Raines
Anni Weston
Bobby Finn
(Sorry, no other information available at this time.)
Quinn Vega

HEAVEN & HELL

Emmett Clayton
DEATH
The Stork

THE OMEGA KID

Rick, The Omega Kid
Lawrence
Jerry Irvine
Dania Wallace
The World's Most Evil & Smart Baby
Santa Claus!

Happy Holidays!

Orientation Haiku for Steve

2010-12-01T22:30:00.001-05:00

Second in a series of poem/poem-like emails to Steve Jobs, essentially begging him to give me back the iPad orientation lock switch.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T15:45:00.000-05:00

Why, Steve? Why?

2010-11-23T02:00:00.001-05:00

An email ode to Mr. Jobs, regarding the removal of my iPad’s orientation lock switch.

Expanding My Horizons

2010-11-17T16:10:00.002-05:00

When I set out to do the 30 Character Challenge I imagined it as a very involved writing challenge. I certainly never expected to get all visual arts with it.

It started small: finding a few photos for the initial set and doctoring up one or two. Then the entire second set was made up of handwritten notes. A fun way, I thought, to visually bring the reader into the characters' world.

But then there's this! I began by doing some drawings for a mini-set earlier this week. That was fun. I hadn't drawn that much in years and I was really happy to see how quickly my limited drawings skills came back to me (I did two of those off photo references, so it's not like I was drawing off the cuff). This lead directly to me trying something more ambitious.

I started with the pencil sketch of The Omega Kid. There were a lot of areas to cover in black and I didn't think the pencil was doing it justice. So I said "let's go for it!" I traced the original drawing on a clean piece of paper, using very light pencils. Then I found the only decent pen I had at home, a blue Pilot uniball, and inked it. Then I scanned the inked version, opened it in GIMP, flipped the pen lines to black and colored it.

Wow! That was a lot of fun! Here are images to show you the progression from sketch to inks to final product:

And if you'd like to learn more about this character, you can check out the first script in the series right here.

30Characters, a look back at the first half.

2010-11-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

I am taking part in a challenge this month called 30Characters. The name pretty much sums it up: 30 characters, one for each day of November.

My biggest impulse behind taking the plunge was to meet new people and share my work. I've been doing a good job of staying motivated this year but I've mostly been working in a vacuum. This seemed like the perfect way to start coming out of that shell. So far, I'd say it's been a success. I have really enjoyed talking to new people who share similar creative passions. And I have really appreciated the feedback on my own work.

Regarding the actual completion of the challenge, it's been, well, challenging. I have strived at cohesion by telling a story within each set. Relatively speaking the CAPTAIN KERPLUNK entries were easier since I already had pages upon pages of notes for this screenplay (which I'm aiming to write by early 2011). This new set I'm working through, MASKED, is tougher. Even though the concept has existed in my head for years, it's all still very nebulous. When I struck upon the idea to do it as actual handwritten notes, I really got inspired. Exploring the different things I could do with this format has been fun.

What does the future hold? Surprises! In the meantime, see below for a list of my characters thus far... and a sneak preview!

CAPTAIN KERPLUNK

One-off

Rush, The Boxer

MASKED

Sneak Peek! THE OMEGA KID
Here are some rough sketches/doodles I've done for myself. THE OMEGA KID is an all-ages adventure series. So far I have two scripts done which I will upload here soon.

Don't forget to visit 30characters.com and support all the other wonderful artists and writers working on this project.

The most culturally significant event of all time

2010-11-14T22:17:00.000-05:00

News hit today that former President of the United States Bill Clinton will cameo as himself in The Hangover 2.

You know what I think would make this better? If George W. Bush cameo'ed alongside Clinton. The way I see it, the two former presidents would be happily partaking in some elicit activity together -- I'll let you go fill in the blanks with an elicit activity of your choice -- and then they high five!

What better healing balm for our divided country than two polarizing presidents coming together in a dick & fart comedy, anyway? Take it away guys!

Why Batman Must Not Kill the Joker

2010-11-13T12:00:00.001-05:00

There’s never a satisfactory real life answer to this question. The issue, as I see it, boils down to the idea of not killing, not the actual logistics of who deserves to die and who doesn’t.

You kill the Joker, fine. Then do you kill other mass murders too? It’s not like the Joker is singular in that respect. He’s not the only mass murderer in the world (fictional or otherwise), nor will he be the last after you kill him. So you can’t argue like it’s a one-time-only situation without opening the door to the possibility of next time. The only possible exception to that rule that doesn’t open up the floodgates has to be something as fantastical and extreme as Darkseid trying to kill the entire universe and all of existence. Because that’s pretty literaly singular (and extremely badass).

In real life most people could not watch someone kill as much as the Joker and not say “ok, exception to the rule time.” If they made Batman kill the Joker it would be more “realistic” but the price is he would then become just human and not the ultimate expression of what humanity could be.

What makes Batman and his myth special, I believe, is that it postulates an inherent moral compass within most humans, one that Batman is almost perfectly in touch with. This is why he is compelled to act outside of the law in the first place, and continues to do so even once in-story elements such as Gotham’s corruption are dealt with. Batman has already reached a level of moral understanding that the rest of us are still working towards.

People love Batman because we could be him, not because we are him already.

(I adapted this post from my response in the comments section of this article -- which you should totally go read and check out the ensuing conversation)

LOST: Ab Aeterno

2010-03-24T12:45:00.000-04:00

About the plot of the episode itself, I have surprisingly little to say. Richard's story was well done but I wish they'd spent more time developing the relationship with his wife. That would have interested me more. The jail stuff and the Black Rock did not grab me since it's essentially exactly what we knew was coming. Oh, but then you get to Jacob and Smokey/MiB and they bring the awesome. It confirmed a lot of what we thought about the two (like Smokey’s game: he scans people and leaves the ones he thinks can be useful to him alive) but it also underscored that everything hinges on free will.

On the one hand you have Jacob, whose logic for staying out enforces his respect and reverence of humanity’s free will. If he steps in and makes everything better then there are no consequences. If there are no consequences then the choices we make are meaningless. Happiness guaranteed by an outside force might be nice but it still robs us of making the choices that determine our fate. On the flip side you have Smokey who creates situations that attack people’s emotional cores. He puts them between a (Black) rock and a hard place. This is important because it’s an implicit acknowledgement that he can’t force them into a choice. All he can do is manipulate their perception of the situation, hoping it leads them to make the choice he wants them to make.

One interesting compare/contrast element (prompted by reading the Onion AV Club recap) was the nature of the offers made to Richard by Whitfield vs. Jacob. They both offer life in exchange for servitude, yes, but the devil (or maybe the angel?) is in the details. The priest scares Richard into believing he's going to Hell because there's no time to atone. This backs him into a corner where he feels he has no choice but to take the Black Rock offer. Manipulative! On the other hand, Jacob's offer, while essentially being the same at the end of the day, is arrived at through negotiation. Jacob offers Richard the job but he allows Richard to negotiate a "salary" within what’s in his power to grant. Richard chose life. He could have just as easily chosen to do it for free or for a hot meal.

Actually the more I think about this the more I love that there is so much nuance and the differences are not always obvious. Lost does this all the time and it actually reflects the real world, in the sense that the lines between good and bad aren't always clear cut. It also drives home the idea that both good and evil essentially have the same tools to work with, it's what they do with those tools that defines them. Furthermore, it externalizes the notion that all humans are capable of both good and evil, not either/or.

And all this dovetails nicely into my "theory of the week" if you will:

I think the final resolution will not be one side winning but it will be a truce of sorts, possibly even with Smokey being allowed to leave the Island. Jacob wants to keep MiB bottled up and MiB wants to kill Jacob. But it's a battle that no side can win since all humans are capable of both good and evil, not inherently one or the other. Sometimes they choose the good, sometimes the bad. The very notion of free will implies that both good and evil will always exist; as long as humans are humans one can never eradicate or bottle up the other no matter how hard they try.

This isn't a game of backgammon; it's a game of tic-tac-toe: it's going to end in a stalemate. And, oh snap, right after I typed that I remembered the scene in the Temple with Hurley & Miles playing tic-tac-toe. "Tie, again."

Does Jacob know this? Is this what he's trying to teach Smokey? I don't know, maybe. I do not think Jacob is infallible. Maybe his successor figures it out. If Jacob is the wise mentor, then following your classic hero's journey, his successor is destined to learn those lessons and then improve on them. Think Star Wars: Luke learns from Obi-Wan but surpasses him and is able to see the good in Vader. Evil is stagnating, it wants to keep you stuck in the past. Think about Smokey and his manipulations that keep people longing for what they once had. Good is about constant evolution. Think about Jacob’s words: “nothing before the Island matters,” a metaphorical way of saying “it’s all about living in the present and moving forward”. I'm leaning towards Jacob knowing the trajectory but his successor figuring out the details.

Could we see a final understanding, if not agreement, between Jack and Locke?

(Thanks to my buddy Matt for helping me pull that final character detail into the mix)

The other factor which I think will ultimately work into it the end is the idea of love. Obviously. But I'm not sure how. All I know is this: everyone has been choosing sides since the beginning. Groups have consistently been split into two. Choose between Jack and Locke, Ben and Widmore, Others (religion) and Dharma (science), Jacob and Smokey. Then try to get rid of the other. Love is the opposite. Love is about two people becoming one. It's about embracing the other to form something new and different yet singular.

Think about Rose and Bernard. Think about Penny and Desmond. Think about their choices to not take sides in age old battles between rich and poor or black and white that would put them on opposite sides of the battle field. Think about their choices to embrace each other and what prompts that.

All you need is love.

Open to interpretation: Drag Me To Hell

2009-06-13T12:31:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed Drag Me to Hell and strongly recommend you see it, if you haven't. But I'm not here to review it. Instead I want to talk about a possible interpretation.

I started thinking more about the movie after reading this interpretation (via SlashFilm). Basically the guy is saying you can read the movie not as a supernatural thriller but the hallucinations of a girl with an eating disorder. I love this kind of stuff. I wish we saw more of it. He really engaged the movie and used his imagination to come up with a great interpretation.

In that spirit, I also have my own interpretation. Spoiler warning starts... now.

I think the supernatural element can be seen as psychological manipulation. The gypsy's real power was putting on a show that would encourage Christine to develop a self fulfilling prophecy driven by the guilt.

When we meet Christine we see she is a hard worker. She has risen to her place at the bank virtuously, through honest work and determination. On the other hand, you have the slimy and manipulative Stu who relies less on his own ability and more on sabotage to rise through the ranks. This contrast is why we like Christine and cannot stand Stu. It's also why so much is on the line in their rivalry: if Stu gets the promotion, throwing someone under the bus triumphs over Christine's honesty.

But Christine betrays herself, and us, shortly thereafter. When the gypsy asks for an extension, Christine is given the chance to save her. And why wouldn't she? Christine has shown herself to to be the compassionate one, the one who does the right thing. Stu is the villain who would be foreclosing on old ladies for personal gain. But Christine does it, she takes the gypsy's home, all for the sake of a promotion.

She tries to justify it. In fact, she spends the whole movie hiding the truth or making excuses. But she, as well as us in the audience, don't buy it. We all know it was wrong. More importantly, the gypsy knows that's how Christine feel. And the gypsy preys on that.

From that angle the whole curse can be seen as nothing more than an elaborate show put on by the gypsy. A show whose purpose it was to genuinely convince Christine she had some hex. The fuel that makes this work is Christine's guilt because she already feels she deserves to be punished. After the song & dance the gypsy can go away and leave Christine's imagination to fill in the gaps.

One of the ways she does this is by visiting a fortune teller. Now, whether the fortune teller really believes what he was saying or he was just a charlatan making a few bucks, the important thing is that Christine believes what he said. He describes a curse and she thinks "that's exactly what I have." Her disease is not supernatural, it's psychosomatic! Christine going to the fortune teller is the equivalent of a neurotic person going on WedMD, reading the symptoms of a disease and convincing himself he has it.

Of course, this is far, far more tragic. It leads to Christine hitting herself, killing her cat, freaking out at dinner and, finally, committing suicide.

An interesting scene to revisit with that in mind is the seance to purge the evil spirit. Again, whether the fortune tellers believed it was supernatural or understood it was psychological doesn't change things. What they attempted to do was take a physical scapegoat (literally in this case) into which Christine could focus all her neurosis and "kill it." It fails because Christine's guilt is too strong and she sees it everywhere, in everyone's faces. We have all experienced this before. You've done something wrong and even though it should be a secret you can't help but think "everyone's looking at me, they all know!!!'

The themes of guilt and its manifestation are also supported by the Spanish fortune teller. In the beginning she loses a young boy, driven crazy by a gypsy story, who throws himself to his death. She swears she will never let that happen again. Christine is her chance at redemption . When she fails, she dies.

Man, this is a really fantastic movie open to some fun interpretations. Please share your thoughts on it below, I would love to hear them.